Friday, January 29, 2010

...and everything She touches, changes

This change is more external, quixotic, and very interesting...

I am taking on the overnight/graveyard shift at my place of work. I am a night person by nature, and having stepped into the pinch-hitting role a couple of times, felt I had the stuff I needed to do so. Plus, I get an immediate increase in my source of steady income - which never hurts!

So this is the start of an interesting little experiment: living the "Bizarro" life, as it were: my days are the night, my nights are the day. I get up as peeps are considering dinner and go to bed as they're considering (second) breakfast. This is going to last a couple of months, until the end of March. After that, I will be scooting across the country again for another helping of Beyond Awesome. When I return...that's up to the gods at this point. We'll see.

On the one hand, this threatens to shake up what little communication I do have (at times, it seems) and isolate me at a time when isolation is the last thing I'm looking for. On the other hand, this frees me up to have some more fun at night - provided I can get myself up early enough and sneak a nap in before I come into work. Whatever else, I shall emerge from this journey a total Nap Diva! (lol)

I have asked the owl for a bit of guidance and support as I align myself even more closely with the rhythms of the moon. Bella Luna. She will be my main guide through this journey, teaching me more of Her mysteries, sharing with me more of Her secrets. I look forward to the closer communion.

Right now, though, might be a good time to sneak one of those naps in, especially since my entry into the Moon Lodge appears immanent... ;-)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

~Wisdom-Hairs and Winter Bellies~

...or, more lessons in Self-Acceptance...

It's interesting, when I look at myself, what parts of myself I have no problems in accepting, and which parts I need to work on.

What I call "wisdom-hairs" most people would call gray hairs. As I close in on forty years of age, I notice more of them. I can see wee strands of silver in among the dark brown - and I think they're uber-cool. :-)
What really amuses me is the reaction other peeps have to my occasional silver strands, especially if they're the shorter "mutant" ones that refuse to grow out straight, and zigzag their way straight up from my head! I had one co-worker who begged me to allow her to pluck it out! After a few minutes, I managed to dissuade her in quite convincing fashion, and she never bugged me about it afterwards. My mother, on the other hand, continues to point them out, and offers to tweeze them for I dissuade her a bit differently: "I can always shave my head if they get too numerous." That shuts her up for a few days/weeks. (lol)
In a sense, it's a sad commentary that such a natural part of experiencing life, and adding on the years, is so, what, feared in this society. It's a hair that no longer has color produced for it. So what! Will I have a head of silver hair in my crone years? Probably not; genetics kept most of my grandmother's hair dark until the day she drew her last breath, and my mother has very little gray as she draws her Social Security payments every month. It would be cool to be all silver, though...

But my "winter belly" provides a bit more of a challenge to my levels of self-acceptance.
My belly has grown a bit rounder in the time of stillness - as it should, because folks generally do less in the Winter than they do in the Summer. Add to that a bit less yoga as I've engaged in some serious navel-gazing and internal shapeshifting, and it comes as no real surprise that I have a belly. (All the self-divination I've done for myself indicate that I tend toward the zaftig, anyway!)
What is the surprise is now quickly my thoughts can turn negative when I regard myself: oh, you're going to gain back all the weight you lost, and then some! You're never going to be at a "healthy" weight; there is no such thing!
For the record, there's still "less of me" than there was at this time last year, and I have never been anorexic/bulimic in this lifetime. I despise vomiting, and starvation just makes me a queen bitch! - so the tendencies never took root.
But this just goes to show how deep, and how universal, the cultural conditioning has become, and how much Work remains to be done to uproot and toss this poisonous weed from my mind, and perhaps from the minds of many women, for good. So I still practice active lovin' on my belly, and rewriting the niggling little negatives as they arise in my psyche...reaffirming and drawing ever closer to total Self-Acceptance. I'm more than happy to share helpful hints, if anyone is interested. :-)

I guess the final lesson is that self-acceptance comes in layers, and by degrees...and that it's an ever-evolving, constantly growing process. :-)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


We can no longer go it alone, nor be alone, nor make anything happen by ourselves.
(Karen Bishop)

So here's another "touchstone" for me for this year.
I was commenting elsewhere about how I'd chosen consistency to be my word for this year, when I heard a soft "ahem" in the back of my mind. When I gazed inward, here was this second word for me to use.

I had known already how I wanted to be with others, to bring a time of "solitude" to a conclusion. Just before Samhain, in fact, I had realized: I have done all the Work I can do on myself, for myself, by myself. If I am to grow any further, I need to find people and places who can nurture and support me, as I can nurture & support them in return. I need to weave a web of Interdependence, now.

Apparently that was a prayer of some sort, for the Universe has begun to answer it...
Just before Yule, I was finishing up my deep spiritual journey of Soul Retrieval at Questhaven, when I was joined by some unexpected new friends:
Smokey & Galahad, choosing to be my "escorts" as I walked the trail. 12/09
They both stayed with me until I had finished visiting my oak friend. :-)

Little synchronicities since then...talking with perfect strangers, finding new alliances at work, being invited to join - and joining - some more "Ning" sites...all are beginning to confirm the message I received as I transitioned from last year to this one: 2010 shall be the year "me" becomes "we."

What that will entail, I don't know in this moment.
As Divinity is in the details, I will embrace the unknown and allow Divinity to fill in the details. :-)

Thursday, January 7, 2010


~I must be consistent in the Game of Life,
That Wisdom may finish what Knowledge did start.~

This is my touchstone, my focusing word, for this year...for there are places in my life where I am anything BUT consistent, and I want to BE consistent in them!

I need consistency in my Yoga Practice. I fell off the wagon towards the end of the year as the Spiritual Work took precedence over the physical work. I know I need to do the yoga - my body feels SO much better and more open when I do it, as I reaffirmed last night! - yet fitting it into my patchwork schedule can be quite challenging. Lately, I haven't been meeting the challenge! So, here is the first "sub-resolution."

I need consistency in my Creativity. I started off last year quite well, thanks to Miss Leonie's Creative Goddess course (which is starting up again on the 17th, word to ze wise!) - and then, again, the Spiritual Work took over. I managed to keep my fingers in the creative flow, thanks to my participation in a project from one of my online circles...but it's not enough. More Artistic Creation opportunities, por favor, y gracias!

I need consistency in my Playtime! I managed to get myself out of the house for some tiny adventures, and took some gorgeous pix while I was out, and the fresh air that came with the change of scenery did me good. I am coming to realize, more and more, that these breaks from the routine are restorative to my soul...which needs a break now and again from the oh-so-serious Spiritual Work. (Hm, anyone else seeing the theme arising here? lol)

And last, but not least, I need consistency in my Greater Work. Not the "little w" work, that which provides me with a source of steady income; the "Big W" Work, being the shamanic priestess in my community and sharing my Wisdom & Magick with those who need it & are ready to receive it. I've dipped my toe in the water; I've waded in the shallow pool. Now I need to take it further and plunge into the deep end, sending out my ripples further in the pond.
I fully realize I needed to to the Work inside me before I could successfully do the Work around me, but I would like to think I've finally come to a place where I can now shift my focus! (Say I have, Mommy, pleeease!) ;-)

As I set this intention of consistency, I fully realize that I'll falter, get distracted, detour way off the path, come back to center, start again, start over, and hit the snooze button every now and then. (dude, five more minutes, that's all I'm asking!)
May I have the grace to forgive myself as often as necessary and proceed down the path anyway, trusting that the Mystery is unfolding with Divine Perfect Timing. :-)

Sunday, January 3, 2010

...and here we are, in the New Year, at last

Blue Moon framed in the Rotunda at City Hall, Escondido. 12/09

At the tail end of Yuletide, as I summarized in my latest Tweet, my voice is changing.
It started on Wednesday, actually, when I had all I could take of the crappy day I'd been having, so I got into the car and screamed...and it was the first real scream that had emerged from me in many years.
See, pre-Soul Retrieval, I hadn't been able to let out a full-throated scream since I was a child; post-Retrieval, Lady M. had advised me she'd done a quick healingway on my throat. When I screamed on Wednesday, a circuit was finally reconnected, and a Shadow was chucked out.
After the scream, I "lost" my higher registers in my voice, and I had difficulty in singing. Full Voice I could not carry. The higher registers are returning, though, so I suspect the depth will as well; then I'll have Full Voice again. But some edge seems to be dissolving...

At the tail end of Yuletide, I worked a six-day week. New Year's Eve in particular was challenging, as Coyote totally had his way at my workplace (The Scottish folk call him "Murphy" - yep, it was a Murphy's Law day!) So that was the warning when I saw two of them running down the street one night early on in the Yuletide season!
After that hard a slog, it was time to go chillax, literally, at a party. So I did.
First Night awaited me, and did not disappoint.
I found myself something to eat: peppery fried rice with tofu & veggies, and a veggie eggroll. No hot dogs & funnel cake for this pagan! ;-) Hot chocolate was for dessert - delicious, even if I scalded most of my mouth in the process! (lol)
The main event for me, and for a lot of other peeps: a Namrock concert. Viz:
Not quite my cup of tea, but it was a very nice change of pace from what I used to listen to!

Throughout much of the concert, my attention was focused on this one gentleman to the left of the stage, dancing and dervishing along with the music. I was completely captivated by him; he made the experience that much more enjoyable for me, just by losing himself in his joy and expressing it openly. I thanked him after the concert was over for his beautiful dancing.

I went home before the midnight fireworks, truth be told, because I was compelled to set off some "fireworks" of my own. I danced in the new year in the privacy (and warmth!) of my living room, bringing in my vision for the New Year into material form through the sacred movement of my own body. I did my own version of dervishing, I suppose!

With the dawning of this day, Yuletide having reached its graceful conclusion, I breathed a sigh of relief. I am safely arrived in 2010, as are we all. Huzzah.