Saturday, October 22, 2011

taking out MY garbage...

I knew I had some stuff to clear out of me. I didn't realize how stinky and smelly it would turn out to be! :-p
Finding the Sticky Bit in the Flow. (Balboa Park, 7/09)
That which I knew centered around some persnickety Cultural Conditioning that had not gone away and left me alone. I got my first inkling that something was up at the last Big Glow retreat that I attended. I found myself doing a really good imitation of a wailing banshee at one point - rather unexpected but very clearing - and I traced it to the notion that I have to Change Myself in order to be more Pleasing or Satisfactory for another. How interesting! The moment this crystallized into my Awareness, I felt SO unclean I had to shower At Once! Before Breakfast! Then I felt infinitely better. :-)
Once I was home again, I dug deeper. The second thing I found was the notion that There IS Someone for Everyone, but there's ONLY One. I saw that belief as illusory right away. To be frank, I don't see myself becoming a hot swinging Jaguar in my maturity, but I know that there is more than one for me to open myself up to and share my*self with. So I gathered that in and bound it up, but I felt that there was more than that still present.
I was right when I found the third notion, which is the biggie: I need to seek Validation Outside of Myself, for I don't always Trust Myself. Ah - here it is! This was also my gateway into clearings of a Trans-Personal nature, but I'll delve into that in a moment. This root notion spun off a fourth notion shortly thereafter - To be Validated, everyone has to like me. So I have to agree with what everyone says, or they won't like me anymore. Here's another one I saw as illusory right away, even though I had to remind myself of its truth. ;-)

The central Big Nasty Illusion. (Balboa Park, 7/09)
As I bound these together and began creating a Transformation Arrow to release them with, I stepped into Trans-Personal clearing aspects. By virtue of helping out a family friend through her search for a new job and home, I found myself suddenly wading hip-deep in Poverty Consciousness, that pesky illusion that there's Not Enough, there Won't Be Enough, and everyone is suffocating in Lack. It's very prevalent in society these days - and I found myself briefly wrapped up in a pity party when I perceived myself to be thwarted in some pursuits I wanted to engage in. The moment I realized what I was hosting in my Awareness, though, I snapped out of it. :-)
The other bit of Trans-Personal Work I was called to engage in was a bit more challenging to push through, as it had to do with beholding the Cruelty present in the upon his animal siblings, and man upon his fellow man. The former came to me as I watched a video on what happens to animals in factory farms; the latter arrived in the most recent news from Libya. From this witnessing, I fashioned a rite to release the icky energies within my body and transmute the suffering, complete with a Ho'oponopono prayer to restore balance. (Let me know if you're interested in learning about it.)

These, too, have been added to my Transformation Arrow, in a rather satisfactory fashion, if I do say so myself. I shall be adding some black candle wax to the Arrow and burning it very soon.

Vehicle for Transformation. (at home, 10/11)
I took these things with me into the Moon Lodge, and have been staring down the Shadow in my private quiet time. Today is the first day in about a week that I've felt the shift into Something Different. The clouds are breaking apart and the sun is shining once more. Today is the day for lighting the lavender incense and finishing the airing out of the Moon Lodge.

Surfacing, yet again. (Encinitas, 1/11)
I am on the upswing once more, and grateful for it. :-)