Sunday, March 30, 2008


This weekend is/was a special one.
This is the weekend of my mother's birthday.
The titular number of this entry is her age as of this moment...another notch on the belt.

She was born in a city named Independence - for her, quite fitting!
She had a rich life of adventure long before I came into the picture, loving long before she met the man she was to marry, the one who I would know, albeit briefly, as "father."

She has an air of serenity about her that would rival Mother Teresa. For a long time, I despaired of ever possessing that serenity myself. (But I do now, ah! I do!)

She has defied the odds in her life time & again:
She had a healthy child when it was 50/50 that her child would carry the same deficiencies that plagued her (phosphate-deficiency rickets, among other things)
She is still walking long after the doctors predicted she would be confined to a wheelchair.
Yea, she is still breathing, upright, & mobile years after several of those same doctors predicted her demise!

True, she is on the descent of the curve of life, but she is proceeding forward with grace & humor, leavening to her kvetching about the aging process. "Growing old ain't for sissies!" she quips often these days.

Yes, many times I wonder if we're even reading the same book of life, let alone whether or not we're on the same page! But there is a bond between us that is frankly missing between many mothers & daughters in this transitional age we move through today...and for that, I'm very deeply grateful. :-)

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

oh wowwee!! :-)

Some snippets of what has happened in the intervening time...

~I have beheld three amazing Tantric dancers embody the suffering of our sisters in Africa, then take that suffering and transform it into radical healing & warmfuzzylove support.

~I have confirmed/affirmed the dragon energy that flows through my veins - the dragon that started out as a serpent, then sprouted wings and began to fly!

~I found sanctuary for dreaming in the lap of Kuan Yin. She also passed on lessons in Compassion, and simply be*ing in the moment.

~I stood before Sekhmet, Her*Self, and watched as She went through my agreements, and found my Time Anxiety, and ripped it apart with Her claws! - then invited me to obliterate it completely with my Dragon's Fire!

~I have beheld two dozen zinnia seeds germinate, and shoot up to the sun. I have transplanted these shoots; some have survived the transition, others have not - and it's all okay.

~I have danced and twirled and moved before the lens of a camera, first to capture an image for my CD, then later simply to play. Some of the images that were captured are breathtaking in their symbolism...!

~I brought my Voice to the table, through my throat and through my drum. I Sang & drummed and played with nine of my sisters, and a structure for ritual took shape before my eyes. I now have a "workshop," or as I prefer to call it, a play~date, that I can take out on the road with me along with my CD!

Shadow stirs within me as well:
I found myself sharing in the collective funk that seems to have hit this week. The time anxiety has dissipated, but another anxiety lay beneath it. Call it the fear of decay. It's not a fear of death - but rather, of dying.
Specifically, I had a "belief" that I was destined to die of ovarian cancer. This is not the first time this "belief" has surfaced, but now it's arisen Front & Center in my awareness. I see this as the manifestation of Blade-Consciousness within me, as well as the "Light-Chaser" fear of death & entropy that spurs us to pursue a sort of "transcendent perfection."
I see this an an opportunity to remember the Lesson of the Shaman: In order to live, you must die. The two states are simply sides of the same coin.
So I sit with this as the moon wanes, and I emerge from the Moon Lodge...

And, last but not least - Phoenix~Song is HERE! The CD is in my hot little hands! WOOT!!
I look forward to the Visual to match the Audio very shortly...!! :-D

Friday, March 14, 2008

Patience vs. Time Anxiety

I have come to see that the Universe has been nagging at my attention to get me to focus on Patience in my life.
So I took inventory...
I found it in scarce supply in my work life. I've been counting down the days till the first of May, when I was planning to give notice, and strike out on my own, damn the torpedoes!
I also found a glut of it in my love life - or should I say my "lack of" love live. I am a bachelorette, you see, and do not find myself in any particular hurry to find my Beloved for this lifetime. I don't even have the desire to let my "inner Samantha" (think Sex & the City) out to play. I can vouch for the fact that I have a very healthy libido, though; think "self-reliance." ;-)

So, back to Patience. Perhaps it would serve me to balance it out in my life a bit better - a little more in my work situation, and a little less in my relationship situation. But first, I had to ask myself, why the imbalance in the first place?

The answer has to do with Time Anxiety.
Recently it's come to my conscious awareness that I feel like I'm "living on borrowed time": Sometime very soon, the clock of my life will strike midnight, the spell will break, and boom! I'll drop dead in my tracks. Quite irrational, yes - but this comes from a place where reason & logic hold no sway.
I know it has its origins in the issues I've had in previous lifetimes with longevity...I've crossed over at a relatively young age, and often quite abruptly & violently, before. I've lived comparatively few lifetimes where I've actually expired simply due to "old age." So there is this belief within me that, since it's happened before, why won't it happen again?

Because I chose my parents for this lifetime very well. Both come from families with long-lived members - and both come from families known for their sheer cussed stubbornness. ;-)
Because my body tells me, all things being equal, I'm good for at least another fifty years.
And because I have become aware that an "anniversary" of sorts is coming up. It seems I have crossed over, at least once, at the Spring Equinox. Once that has passed, I should stop this spiritual hyperventilation.
Besides, I'm going to be far too busy birthing my new healing circle to be concerned about what did or did not happen during past equinoxes, anyway! :-D More on that later.

So I shall accept this invitation from the Universe to surrender to Patience, and work at letting all things in my life unfold in Divine Perfect Timing, and try to keep out of my own way.
I could use the practice... ;-)

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


So in a few short days I'm going to have a CD!
Now I want a cover for this CD...and for that, I have a friend who is a very creative priestess (& Goddess of Photoshop) ;-)

I've just booked the date for a photo shoot with her, on the 18th.
She says she takes 60-80 pics in the shoot.
I'm only going to need one pic, maybe a handful, so what do I do with the rest?

Perhaps I'll fulfill another dream, & have some pictures taken that celebrate me, in this lovely temple that is my body, with the pics that don't go toward the album.

After I booked the shoot, I did a happy dance.
Aw yeah, I'm on the mooove! HAI!! :-D

Sunday, March 2, 2008


Oh Great Mother what a weekend!

Friday night, to get the mojo working, I listened to Astarius' Echoes of Eternity & sang along. If you're not familiar with his transformative vocals, visit him at - after you've read this entry, of course. ;-)

Saturday the time at work flew by, since everyone & their sister in Southern California decided to call that day! But it kept me busy at least, until my shift ended and I got into the car to drive over to Vista.
As I walked up to the door to the recording studio, I felt a thrill. Ohmahgawds, I can't believe I'm about to DO this!

I walked in and met my mixmaster, a young gentleman named Sean.
"So you're the doctor who's recording today," he said. I laugh. I've tried to explain what I'm going to do several times, but the words are not quite accurate. So I'm just going to have to DO it, I guess... ;-)

So in the little booth, with the microphone a few inches from my face, I counted down from ten, opened my mouth, and began the Singing.
Forty-eight minutes later, the transmissions were finished coming through me. I walked in and found Sean's mind completely blown. "I think we've entered the realm of the Doors," he said to me. (me and the lizard king - aw hell yah! without illicit substances, no less!)
Then came the fun part...naming the tracks, and arranging them for optimum expression. On a Macintosh, just a matter of cutting & pasting. :-)
By this time next week, I will have a CD of my very own. Phoenix~Song is going to take flight!

To celebrate, I followed my recording session with a hearty spat of drumming with my sistahs of the drum in San Diego. (check them out at, if ya wanna)

So that was Saturday. Now for Sunday...
J-Celt & I carpooled up to Irvine where resides the Goddess Temple of Orange County. They have Sunday Services there every week. Once upon a time, I never would have thought I'd be attending "Sunday Services" on a regular basis, but there you are. ;-)
This week's priestess: the one & only Z. Budapest! For those who don't know, she is one of the foremothers/grandmothers of the modern "Divine Feminist" movement - and you can check her out at (So how many of these gratuitous plugs you think I can get away with? lol)
Anyway, she spoke on the state of the Maiden today - the young women who have not yet borne children in our society - and shared with us the stories of Persephone & Joan of Arc in the time she had with us. She stayed afterwards to sign copies of books she'd authored...and she signed my copy of Grandmother Moon. Sweet! :-D

It was a total honor to light the Temple's Maiden candle in her presence. It was a pleasure being a part of the maiden's dance in her presence. (Technically, I am still a maiden, since I haven't borne any children, nor does it look like I will in this lifetime - but that's a topic for another posting.)
As if that weren't enough, I exchanged cards with a couple of representatives from metaphysical shops, one in San Diego, the other in Huntington Beach, which hold workshops on a regular basis! Shaman, present thyself! ;-) That's my next item on the list...visiting these shops & offering my Creation to share with others. :-) The Temple may host one of my Creations in the future, if the price is right...

So now I'm coming down off of this ecstatic high of Movement! in my life.
I have been advised that these twenty-one days, between now & the Equinox, are going to be some very sacred days indeed.
To which I say, More, please - and Thank You!