Today is my last day of "freedom," so to speak.
Tomorrow I begin taking some significant steps of visualization with a dreamboarding session.
Sunday I trot halfway around the globe!
I get back Thursday, 3/8. Then I'll have to act like a (semi) responsible adult and start actualizing these dreams of mine - and maybe earn some money to keep mom happy, or at least sane. ;-)
It was a good month to go inward and clear space for my*self.
Now it's time to flip the energies around and move outward...
Friday, February 23, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
After Clearing...
The pile of stuff to distribute gets smaller and smaller. :-)
I have created the vacuum; now I can consider how best to fill it...
I knew I needed to quit the muggle job in order to move on to the next phase of my life, but I had no idea what that looked like. Now, with the clutter vanishing, I am beginning to see - and more importantly, feel - my end goal, who I am striving to be.
I manifest my future as a Singer, storyteller, perhaps as a channel and/or medium, definitely as a priestess and bodhisattva. Betimes, though, I get anxious, wanting to be that Luminous Woman of Spirit right now, and not entirely sure of where I should begin!
Over this last new moon, I received the message: Let your Voice lead the way.
Yes. The Songs. That is ready to go right now; the rest can fall into place afterwards.
Okay. So now I have a starting point.
I have created the vacuum; now I can consider how best to fill it...
I knew I needed to quit the muggle job in order to move on to the next phase of my life, but I had no idea what that looked like. Now, with the clutter vanishing, I am beginning to see - and more importantly, feel - my end goal, who I am striving to be.
I manifest my future as a Singer, storyteller, perhaps as a channel and/or medium, definitely as a priestess and bodhisattva. Betimes, though, I get anxious, wanting to be that Luminous Woman of Spirit right now, and not entirely sure of where I should begin!
Over this last new moon, I received the message: Let your Voice lead the way.
Yes. The Songs. That is ready to go right now; the rest can fall into place afterwards.
Okay. So now I have a starting point.
Monday, February 19, 2007
My Nose Runneth Over
One minor drawback to massive and rapid de-cluttering:
It can kick up a TON of Dust!
I happen to have nasal allergies: if it blooms or sheds, or comes off of something that blooms or sheds, I'm allergic to it. I sneeze a lot (and these aren't dainty feminine sneezes, either) and go through many many tissues. The sound I make in blowing my nose can raise the dead, so loud and piercing it is! ;-)
I've been decluttering for a little over two weeks; thusly, I've been doing a really good Darth Vader imitation for a little over two weeks, trying to get enough oxygen into my body through my damn congested nose - that is, when it's not doing its best Niagara Falls imitation! :-p
I know it's just allergies because, 1) my throat isn't sore...which would indicate post-nasal drip and presage a cold; and, 2) whenever I leave the house for any length of time, my nose clears out, and I can breathe much more like a normal human being.
Help is at hand, however - I found the Breathe Right nasal strips at last!
They might not look like much, but they really work!
We've also got some Chinese herbs en route that are touted to help nasal allergists like myself; I can't wait to get my hands on them! :-D
Side note: OTC drugs and/or prescription drugs are NOT options. My body won't accept them anymore, if they even worked in the first place!!
It can kick up a TON of Dust!
I happen to have nasal allergies: if it blooms or sheds, or comes off of something that blooms or sheds, I'm allergic to it. I sneeze a lot (and these aren't dainty feminine sneezes, either) and go through many many tissues. The sound I make in blowing my nose can raise the dead, so loud and piercing it is! ;-)
I've been decluttering for a little over two weeks; thusly, I've been doing a really good Darth Vader imitation for a little over two weeks, trying to get enough oxygen into my body through my damn congested nose - that is, when it's not doing its best Niagara Falls imitation! :-p
I know it's just allergies because, 1) my throat isn't sore...which would indicate post-nasal drip and presage a cold; and, 2) whenever I leave the house for any length of time, my nose clears out, and I can breathe much more like a normal human being.
Help is at hand, however - I found the Breathe Right nasal strips at last!
They might not look like much, but they really work!
We've also got some Chinese herbs en route that are touted to help nasal allergists like myself; I can't wait to get my hands on them! :-D
Side note: OTC drugs and/or prescription drugs are NOT options. My body won't accept them anymore, if they even worked in the first place!!
Sunday, February 18, 2007
At the base of "The Wall"
I hit the wall recently, or rather, brushed up against it.
Not a physical wall, but the metaphoric one - you know, when you're going full-bore and BAM! suddenly you find yourself in a stuck place. Here's where I was sticking:
*I chose a life purpose to "help people"~then I received a ton of messages from the Universe to let other people be. WTF??
*I released many old receipts, recycling many, setting aside many more to shred~and found myself actually depressed afterwards.
*I felt old, familiar resentment towards my mother and her "meddling." Why can't she leave me well enough alone?
Hello, Wall...
The first goes back to the "Lightworker's Ego" I mentioned last time. The partner of one of my dear international Internet friends put it thusly: "...and the problem with spirituality sometimes is that (it) becomes a bit religiony and starts judging where other people are at because they aren't on the same journey."
YES! I see myself in this space. So let this be an opportunity for me to practice Compassion, sending comforting thoughts to those struggling in Shadow, but holding onto Advising unless specifically asked. I put this into my spritual toolbox for future reference.
The second, now, is something rather interesting. I see how much I had invested in these receipts, how much of ME I had put into these piles, these little slips of paper. As I release these papers, I release a part of ME - and I now stop and acknowledge how frightening this is.
Does the snake tremble a little as it sheds its skin?
I can race through my house, decluttering like a madwoman, releasing many material things. But when I think of going through the storage shed outside, in the patio...ah, then I stop in my tracks, and feel my belly contract in anxiety. So when I come to the shed, I must proceed slowly, with great care, and be willing NOT to release if I don't feel ready to release.
And the third...
I live with my mother. It is by mutual choice. She will need a caregiver eventually, and I have agreed to be her caregiver. (I agreed to this before I arrived on this plane.) In return, I am free from worrying about paying for rent, or a mortgage. Most of the time, we get along famously - but we are operating from differing paradigms. I am of a metaphysical bent, and she is not (at least, not nearly as much as me).
Let us say she has a greater need for financial security and stability than I do. Let us also say that we have differing opinions on housekeeping. Her modus operandi is to remind me to do something, or to follow up on what I have said I would do, on a regular basis until I DO IT, whatever it is. I call it "nagging." ;-)
So I needed to return to myself, re-examine my agenda, reassure myself that all was proceeding exactly as it should, and remember that compromise and negotiation are possible...if I vocalize where I am and what I need to do.
Honor my*self, above all else.
The rest will fall into place.
Not a physical wall, but the metaphoric one - you know, when you're going full-bore and BAM! suddenly you find yourself in a stuck place. Here's where I was sticking:
*I chose a life purpose to "help people"~then I received a ton of messages from the Universe to let other people be. WTF??
*I released many old receipts, recycling many, setting aside many more to shred~and found myself actually depressed afterwards.
*I felt old, familiar resentment towards my mother and her "meddling." Why can't she leave me well enough alone?
Hello, Wall...
The first goes back to the "Lightworker's Ego" I mentioned last time. The partner of one of my dear international Internet friends put it thusly: "...and the problem with spirituality sometimes is that (it) becomes a bit religiony and starts judging where other people are at because they aren't on the same journey."
YES! I see myself in this space. So let this be an opportunity for me to practice Compassion, sending comforting thoughts to those struggling in Shadow, but holding onto Advising unless specifically asked. I put this into my spritual toolbox for future reference.
The second, now, is something rather interesting. I see how much I had invested in these receipts, how much of ME I had put into these piles, these little slips of paper. As I release these papers, I release a part of ME - and I now stop and acknowledge how frightening this is.
Does the snake tremble a little as it sheds its skin?
I can race through my house, decluttering like a madwoman, releasing many material things. But when I think of going through the storage shed outside, in the patio...ah, then I stop in my tracks, and feel my belly contract in anxiety. So when I come to the shed, I must proceed slowly, with great care, and be willing NOT to release if I don't feel ready to release.
And the third...
I live with my mother. It is by mutual choice. She will need a caregiver eventually, and I have agreed to be her caregiver. (I agreed to this before I arrived on this plane.) In return, I am free from worrying about paying for rent, or a mortgage. Most of the time, we get along famously - but we are operating from differing paradigms. I am of a metaphysical bent, and she is not (at least, not nearly as much as me).
Let us say she has a greater need for financial security and stability than I do. Let us also say that we have differing opinions on housekeeping. Her modus operandi is to remind me to do something, or to follow up on what I have said I would do, on a regular basis until I DO IT, whatever it is. I call it "nagging." ;-)
So I needed to return to myself, re-examine my agenda, reassure myself that all was proceeding exactly as it should, and remember that compromise and negotiation are possible...if I vocalize where I am and what I need to do.
Honor my*self, above all else.
The rest will fall into place.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Unsent Letters - and Discoveries
This is one of the spiritual tools I use often:
If there's someone in your past/present you feel very negatively about, you write that person a letter - doesn't have to be on fancy letterhead or with a nice pen. You allow all the words you really want to say to flow through your hand and onto the paper, no censorship, no worries about grammar or spelling. You JUST WRITE, and vent your spleen onto the paper. Then you take the letter and place it into an envelope. You can address the envelope if you wish. Then (and this is the important part) you Destroy the Letter, either by burning it or by ripping it into little pieces. You have spoken your truth and you have let that person go.
I don't remember where I saw this, but I tried it...and it SO works. It gives me a safe place to Speak My Truth and be heard. Then I burn the letters when I am ready to release them, and I can release the toxic emotion that I've been carrying within me. :-D
I found myself needing to write an Unsent Letter to S., my former co-worker. I intended only to write one letter - I wound up writing *four* letters, and only two of them were to (former) co-workers. The other two were for people I needed to speak my truth to in other areas to my life.
Some interesting things came up during and after I wrote those letters:
~I found myself encountering what I call "Light Worker's Ego" - that is, "I know what you can do to improve your life! Why aren't you taking my advise?" I flow with Compassion and want to help, but sometimes I need more Compassion to allow the other people simply to BE.
~I also realized: Just as S. was an excellent mirror of my Shadows, simply by being herself, I can be an excellent mirror to another's Shadows, simply by being my*self.
I'm still sitting with these things...
If there's someone in your past/present you feel very negatively about, you write that person a letter - doesn't have to be on fancy letterhead or with a nice pen. You allow all the words you really want to say to flow through your hand and onto the paper, no censorship, no worries about grammar or spelling. You JUST WRITE, and vent your spleen onto the paper. Then you take the letter and place it into an envelope. You can address the envelope if you wish. Then (and this is the important part) you Destroy the Letter, either by burning it or by ripping it into little pieces. You have spoken your truth and you have let that person go.
I don't remember where I saw this, but I tried it...and it SO works. It gives me a safe place to Speak My Truth and be heard. Then I burn the letters when I am ready to release them, and I can release the toxic emotion that I've been carrying within me. :-D
I found myself needing to write an Unsent Letter to S., my former co-worker. I intended only to write one letter - I wound up writing *four* letters, and only two of them were to (former) co-workers. The other two were for people I needed to speak my truth to in other areas to my life.
Some interesting things came up during and after I wrote those letters:
~I found myself encountering what I call "Light Worker's Ego" - that is, "I know what you can do to improve your life! Why aren't you taking my advise?" I flow with Compassion and want to help, but sometimes I need more Compassion to allow the other people simply to BE.
~I also realized: Just as S. was an excellent mirror of my Shadows, simply by being herself, I can be an excellent mirror to another's Shadows, simply by being my*self.
I'm still sitting with these things...
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