~percolating~

Okay, I'm at a point where I can lift the veil and break my silence, to an extent...

When I helped G-flirt move to San Francisco at the end of April, I stayed with her for a few days in the downtown. One of the things I noticed, besides the very strong wind there (!) was the significant number of homeless on the streets...and they frightened me on a very deep level.
(Yes, I freely admit I was sheltered growing up, but still - !)
I sensed them at the edges of my attention, almost circling like hungry ghosts, ready to pounce upon me and suck out all of my life force if I allowed them to. I wanted nothing more than to stay with my friend in her room and not venture out alone at all, if I could help it. (She was going through her own adjustment adventures and was not up for a lot of exploring.)

The presence of the homeless, and my reaction to them, shook me to the core. This is, in part, why I walked straight into a cold when I returned home - after not having been sick for several years. I found old fears stirred up - must hide from the predators so they won't find me, must stay small to be safe - stuff that I thought I'd already dealt with.
Superfically, yes...but not to the extent that I needed to.
So, guided by a vision, I began "working" with Kuan Yin, the Great Mother of Compassion, in an intensive. This meant putting all of my plans for expanding my presence in the world on hold, at least for the season. (Fine, I'm not in any particular hurry with this huge chaotic flux swirling about in the world!) Among other things, I found a "not safe" feeling in my individuation center, and an "avoiding loss" desire in my heart center...aka chakras #3 & 4, respectively. I uncovered the Paradox at work within me: As much as I want to be a part of this world, I want to be apart from it as well!

I tackled the "not safe" feeling first. Under Kuan Yin's tutelage, I assembled, consecrated, and charged a juju bundle with Her energy, which I could then use in my inner Work. Success, so far - I am feeling safe again. The "avoiding loss" desire will be more challenging and complex to transmute, but I have all the confidence that it will happen. After all, I've become an expert on Shadow-work, these past ten years, if nothing else! ;-)

So I take a breather between chakras, and move into celebration of the Solstice. It's high time for me to let my inside children out for a little playtime! The deeper work will percolate on the backburner for now, until I move closer to the start of the harvest season.

(Lest you think San Francisco was less than enjoyable - it was not. I'll post about that next time; suffice for now to say, I want to return sooner rather than later!) :-)

...update...

Heidy ho to my posse...all six of you... ;-)

Just a brief note:
I am on an intensive right now, being guided by Kuan Yin.
I have felt my energy shifting, and expect more shifts in the very near future.
The world no longer looks terribly dark & scary... :-)

~end of line~
(oh, am I dating myself? lol!)

Raindrops in May ~ Validate the Grey

A very rare event in my neck of the woods: it's raining. In May. When normally the high pressure arrives in its summer home in the desert next door and begins to crank up the heat.
Rain!
Needless to say, the Princess is a pissy pussy today. ;-) She can't go out because it's too wet-windy-cold and glares at us humans who share "her" abode and says, "I would ask you to stop the rain, but since you haven't done so in the past, I'm not even going to bother this time!" And she returns to her sulking sleep.

The May rain fits in perfectly with my mood.
My days off have become retreat days, pajama days, where I just stay in my pj's and watch the intermittent rain, when I'm not reading a book. The one I'm reading just now is Graves' The White Goddess, a classic text, and the latest text in my self-directed Spritual Feminism course.
Initially I was going to pass it on after I read it, but now I'm not so sure. It's chock full of juicy information, from a time & a place that has struck an unexpected chord of resonance within me. I found another lifetime there, in Wales, in the centuries just before the Inquisition came into horrible manifestation on this plane. I wonder what Greece holds for me - maybe with my next vision quest...
I have been sitting with the darker places, the softer places, in this time of Retreat. I'm not ready to share yet, but I will tell you progress is being made. I think.
In the meantime, think of me as the dragon comfortably ensconced in her lair, wings folded, watching the rain and waiting patiently for the sun to peek out from behind the clouds and bring the heat back to her realm.
TTFN!

ps ~ for anyone who notices the deleted comment: I deleted it because it was e-spam. I'm not fond of spam in any form and if I find it, it's gone. Kind of like the agreement I have with black widow spiders... ;-)

Falling off the Face of the Earth

(well, the cyber-earth, at any rate...)

Just as a brief update:
The Shadow of San Francisco reached out and touched me. I have been shaken to my very core, & shown where I need to direct my Mind*full attention.

I have entered into another fallow period in my life, where I can do no more than sit, and wait, and observe. I know this, too, shall pass, so no worries there; when the words come, I'll share them with you.

Until further notice, you can find me floating silently in the ether of the In-Between...

Made it!

I post this live & direct from the lovely city of San Francisco itself. :-)

It took nearly two days of driving, many loads of packing and unpacking, and some very annoying moments of navigating tons of one-way streets (gaahhh! lol)...but it's all been worth it! The view out of g-flirt's window is incredible! I will have her email me a pic of it - which I will then see if I can upload (mm - adventures in posting pictures! lol)

We rented a hybrid car to drive up from San Diego. I had some questions about how it would do on the highways, but it did very nicely. It's very sensitive to the touch of the steering wheel, and it's totally fascinating watching the electric system at work as we're driving. I am completely sold...when my loyal Mazda Polaris finally gives up the electronic ghost, my next car will be a hybrid. You saw it here first! :-D Tomorrow I turn it in and surrender to the terribly efficient public transportation system here.

The hard part is finally over. Now the fun part can begin!
I may post more before I get home, or I may not. I don't know...