Jaguar Medicine & Trans-Personal Stuff

"The Arawak Indians say that everything has jaguar. Nothing exists without it. It is the tie to all life and all manifestations of life..." (Ted Andrews, Animal Speak)

When I started this blog in 2007, I wanted to speak of the journey of being a Priestess. This includes not just the ordinary things, but the mystical, mysterious things as well. Well, the former is well represented in these posts - through seeing the ordinary in magickal ways - but the latter seems rather under-represented. I want to take the wild expeditions through the land of "woo-woo" and make them accessible, if not entirely understandable. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. Anyhoo, here is my current expedition, documented while in the field, as it were. This isn't a cut-and-dried thing as of this moment...which is altogether a good thing, methinks. :-)

It started with a Cuddle Party - which is basically an uber-gentle introduction into the world of (Western) Tantra. I gathered together with several men and women, received direction as to how the evening would unfold, then began to explore the realm of touch in an intimate, but non-sexual, way. This would seem to be right up my alley; I wouldn't mind more touch in my life, and I would prefer to move slowly, for various personal reasons. I thought all went well that evening...the full impact didn't hit me until later the next day. That would be about the time I found myself curled in a fetal position, mind locked in an anxiety feedback loop, thinking that celibacy would be a very good way to go for the rest of my life, and that everyone - EVERYONE - needed to be kept At Arm's Length, which is the way I used to relate to the world. 

Something was very definitely wrong in the State of Victoria, and I'm not thinking about Australia.

For one, the level of anxiety I was feeling didn't correspond with anything I've experienced in this lifetime. Other lifetimes, that's a different matter - but those sticky points have been brought to the surface and cleared.

For two, this isn't the first time I've dealt with these feelings and very strong emotions. The summer of 2009 was all about Working on my personal stuff in this life, and the summer of 2010 was about Working on the personal stuff carried over from previous lives. 

(For three, the "triggering event" was completely different in this latest summer!)

So with this stuff re-surging within my Awareness as if I was meeting it for the very first time, it hit me: I've moved beyond Working the Personal Stuff. I've graduated to Working on the Trans-Personal Stuff now! (My initial response after this A-HA! moment was a long, exhaled, "Greeeaaat," in the style of "Oh crap, looks like I gotta go back to the mat again! Give me Strength, Great Mother!")

I am calling this TPS the Energy of the Wounded Maiden...partly because it fits in with the time in my life (several lives, actually) when I was triggered, partly because that's the "flavor" of this energy: She who was forced to grow up, and/or was forced into a situation, before She was truly ready for it. 

In Working with this energy, I am finding a lot of it having to do with Identity, personally and collectively, in the whole "I'm not ready to act/perform in this way, or be this person/fill this role that I am expected to be." This is actually the most fascinating part - at least, when I'm not knee-deep in feeling my way through a moment when I've been triggered and I need to claw my way through it! I am beginning to see how the "little-i" within me fights to keep her boundaries in place, and insists on growing "at MY pace, thank you!" I am also beginning to see how this "little-i" is trying way too hard to "grow up" and become the "Big-I," when all she/I/we really need to do is simply Relax and BE. Realignment in process! (LOL)

Clawing my way through an episode is actually a perfect segue to the other part of this equation, which I used to introduce this post. I am co-creating solutions to this challenge that's been set before me; more on that in a little bit. I am also reaching into my Bag O' Tricks to Work on the astral planes to see what solutions I can come up with myself via Visualization, (or as I sometimes call it, "Vision-Questing for Shamans Stuck in the Burbs.") ;-) This last time, I found myself shifting into a Jaguar Woman, facing the demons that came up before me and dispatching them with my claws. Ah - the Jaguar is coming into prominence at this time. Most Excellent!

I see her as a "refinement" of the Primal Feminine energy, not as wild and dangerous as Dragon. More approachable, Jaguar is...but still capable of dismembering you with a single swipe if push comes to shove, so don't push! For the record, Jaguar is described in Animal Speak under the same entry as "Panther." This medicine is about Reclaiming One's True Power, especially in the realm of sexuality! Tres apropos! (And if you want to know more, I invite you to read the entry yourself!)

With the Jaguar Medicine flowing within me, I attended a second Cuddle Party. 

This time, I didn't have to wait until the next day to be impacted by the interactions; I am happy to say I experienced some deep and healing releasing, allowing at least one circuit in my life to be unexpectedly but wonderfully cleared and completed! In the days that followed, instead of wanting to contract and close off from the world, I felt myself opening and expanding to it, albeit gently. I had to rearrange parts of my schedule so that I could have some quality Alone Time, but it felt Right and Lovely. Further, in the synchronous ways of Divine Perfect Timing, I am going to be co-creating some more dynamic transformations with my newest bestie in a one-on-one session that just might shift the Earth on its axis! ;-)

Something very interesting that has occurred to me recently: this part of the Work that I'm doing now...it keeps coming up for another reason, not just so I can clear it on different levels. I'm beginning to entertain the idea that this might be the very Work I'm supposed to share with the world; in other words, what my Calling to be a Priestess is Really All About. I'm still sitting with this, and I'll let y'all know how things develop. :-)

(31 in 31 - #7) BEing with~in Nature...

"Naiad Grove" (Gerton, NC 5/11)

The joy of the wolves, frolicking and howling in the full moon's light ~ is my joy.
The sorrow of the elephants, noting and mourning the passing of one of their own ~ is my sorrow.
The work of the beaver, building and maintaining her dam ~ is my work.
The play of the squirrel, leaping from tree to tree, rolling and tumbling on the ground ~ is my play.
The hunger of the bear, for salmon and berries and honey ~ is my hunger.
The thirst of the hummingbird, to sip the sweet nectar of the flower ~ is my thirst.
The flitting of the butterfly, here and there, in the meadow ~ is my activity.
The napping of the cat, stretched out in a sunny spot on the ground ~ is my rest.


The life-force that runs through the world around me
Also runs through and fills the empty places within me.
Knowing this, how could I not look around
And know that this, too, is me?
How could I behold they who live in Nature
and not know them as All My Relations?

IMPOSSIBLE! :-)

Confirmation - the gift of a Crow Feather. (Gerton, NC 6/11)

Second Maidenhood

Sunrise. (Mebane, NC 5/11)

During my Grand Adventure, I felt more than my "inner biologist" stirring back to life. In finding myself again, I reconnected with the joie de vivre that is present simply by Participating Fully in and with Life. I had not felt so enthusiastic about "Playing the Game" for many years, taking great pleasure and delight in the information brought to me by my five senses. (My first taste of "Mexican Street Corn" alone - AH! Thank You, Great Mother!) I didn't find myself reverting entirely back to the days of childhood, not quite. Instead, I found myself in what I call a Second Maidenhood...my body felt ripe, the world felt fresh, and every experience was a Divine Invitation to come and frolic in the Garden of Earthly Delight! It was an invitation I accepted, again and again. I felt myself opening up anew...

Magnolia Blossom. (Atlanta, GA 6/11)

...and I brought the "Maiden Magick" home with me to California. Shortly after my return, the annual County Fair in Del Mar ran a promotion that allowed people to get in for a mere three dollars. Not only that, it was on a day where you could get "tastings" from the food vendors (aka, Normal Portion Sizes!) for a mere two dollars each! Oh hell yes I went - and on public transportation to boot, so I wouldn't have to stress over parking! :-)

Ground level view of the main drag. (Del Mar, 6/11)

To answer your question - yes, you CAN be mostly vegan and still score YUMMY things! I had a bit of artichoke, a sampling of very fresh potato chips, a falafel ball, one serving of what was called "Aussie Battered Potatoes," and some sweet corn on ze cob, fresh off the barbeque! (the ear had been wrapped in its husk so it wouldn't get crisped.)

Meet some of my new friends. ;-) (Del Mar, 6/11)

They have a Gem and Mineral Show every year. Of Course I stopped in and visited, scoring a few needed stones in the process.

View from the carousel. (Del Mar, 6/11)

Okay, in this instance, I did jump back into my childhood. My inner seven-year-old would not let me pass by the carousel without going 'round one time. I rode side-saddle, since I was wearing a long skirt.

Bird's Eye View. (Del Mar, 6/11)

After the carousel, I took a ride on the Ferris Wheel. The view at the top was spectacular, but you're going to have to take my word on that one - this was the only picture I managed to take before my camera's batteries crapped out on me. :-( However, I did discover that I like to ride the Ferris Wheel. :-)

I continue to feel the renewed joie de vivre, even as the energetic shifts have propelled me in interesting directions...more on that front shortly.

Words & Images from the Grand Adventure

Looking at the mountains from Asheville, NC (5/11)

The entire purpose of this Adventure was to attend yet another gathering of my Home Tribe, also known as the Big Glow community. This time, however, I wanted to give myself some more time on the East Coast, instead of flying out, communing, and flying back home again lickety-split. So I "pencilled in" a drum circle to attend before the retreat, and some time to connect with other friends after the retreat; thus did three days (or so) turn into three weeks. As usual, I declared my intentions, and the Universe responded with a bounty of Experience beyond my humble expectations!

Something interesting and unexpected occurred during this Adventure of mine: I found myself reconnecting with the sensawunda I had as a girl, she who dreamed of solving the Mysteries of Nature when she grew up. As the Earth is my Mother, and my Family of Choice are my Soul Siblings, then I was "reintroduced" to a mess of cousins in the Natural World. (LOL) So let me point out some of the highlights of my Adventure - those moments that made the Little One within squeal in delight...mainly because this West Coast girl was seeing some native East Coast flora & fauna for the very first time with her own eyeballs! :-)

Mr. & Mrs. Goldfinch (Gerton, NC 5/11)

Insert first squeal of delight here, when I saw goldfinches, in their Summer Finery, feeding outside my hostesses' window! It took some stealthy ninja tactics to photograph them, but photograph them I did, with their permission!

Seagull. (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

I am familiar with seagulls, unless they have black heads. Then I stop and ask them if I can take their picture. These gulls fascinated me utterly, since they were a new variant on a familiar theme.

Jellyfish. (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

I must have seen at least a dozen jellyfish during my stay by the sea, washed up upon the shore at various times. Yes, I touched them, on their harmless domes - not on the bottom, where the nasty stinging tentacles are! I was surprised to feel that their domes were hard, almost plastic-feeling, and not anything like gelatinous.

Two wee sea anemones. (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

I love the ocean. As such, I am a bit biased in taking my pictures. ;-)
I loved seeing oysters instead of mussels on the rocks, and the different types of barnacles.

"Collage du Mer" (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

Grandmother Ocean arranged these shells so artfully. I did nothing except take this picture to admire Her creativity. :-)

Petrified Trees. (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

This was part of an entire forest of petrified trees & wood bits on the shoreline. It was a natural cathedral, and I spun up some impromptu ceremony in this sacred space.

The Postmistress. (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

My sisters and I occasionally departed our beach Base O' Operations to make forays into town, or at least, places of denser population. I found this lovebug on one such excursion. Cat and Crow medicine followed me out to the East Coast; the latter birds wouldn't hold still long enough for me to document their presence! (LOL)

Blessing of the Chickens. (Mebane, NC 5/11)

Okay, I have seen chickens on the West Coast. However, they didn't come out to greet me and bless me with their presence like these did. (They thought I had food, but I didn't. They came to wander around my feet anyway.)

Leaf, with Dew. (Mebane, NC 5/11)

Animals weren't the only things that caught my eye...and Mother Earth is also a Divine Artist.

Cicada. (Mebane, NC 5/11)

Our retreat happened to unfold during the time the cicadas emerged from their long dormancy to mate and lay their eggs before perishing en masse. It was fascinating to hear the sound of their wingbeats fill the air with an almost extraterrestrial noise. It was not as fascinating to experience them as living hair accessories! At least, I wasn't as appreciative of that cicada in that moment... ;-)

Termites! (Gerton, NC 6/11)

Staying with the bug theme a moment longer, I was fascinated by this spontaneous mass migration of termites from a dead tree on the property of my hostess. My first thought when I saw this plethora of tiny wings flitting in the air? "Fairies!" There's an innocent child's remark! :-)

Gray Squirrel. (Gerton, NC 6/11)

Oh yes, the squirrel medicine followed me as well. I was equally amused and amazed by the ease with which they could gallop from branch to branch, tree to tree, earth to sky and back again. :-)

The "Finger Tree." (Atlanta, GA 6/11)

I was awed to see the hand rising up to the sky in this tree, so I received permission to take the picture. Can you see the hand?

Un duck. (Atlanta, GA 6/11)

I see ducks on the West Coast - just see some of my earlier entries - but not with this coloration of plumage.

Settling in for the night. (Atlanta, GA 6/11)

Duck, duck, Goose! Geese I don't see on the West Coast, so I was honored to catch a glimpse of this extended family during my brief stay in Georgia.

Star Flower. (Naples, FL 6/11)

 This flower caught my eye because it was a stand-out, regardless of what coast I'm on. Another Divine Work of Art.

Butterfly Trickster. (Naples, FL 6/11)

...and the Butterfly Medicine was present for me in the East as it is in the West. Their increased presence especially during the second half of my Adventure was a quiet reflection of the shifting that unfolded within me on the trip.

This shifting is still taking place in this moment...

Now the words are here again... :-)

Peeking above the surface once more. (Naples, FL 6/11)

I chuckle when I see it's been nearly two months since I visited this blog. There were times when I wanted to write,but the words would not come...so I let them abide.
There was also a time when I really didn't want to say anything. This was right after Beltaine, when I found myself feeling rather Disconnected - and more, discouraged. Summer is supposed to be a time of great growth; as this season begain, I was feeling anything BUT. Yes, I was throwing a little pity party for myself - putting in "all this work" (which wasn't a whole lot, comparatively speaking, if truth is to be told) and not getting "any" results. The results were coming, just not in the way I wanted them to manifest: that is, as money, as a source (or sources) of steady income. That's where the discouragement was coming in - if this effort to Be the Priestess wasn't bringing me any results, what was the whole blessed point? If I'm not supposed to be a Priestess, what the sam-hill AM I supposed to be? More disturbing was the thought: what if I have been wasting my time? What if (gasp!) mom was right, and I need to find a muggle job after all? Perish the thought!

Following my path back to the center. (Naples, FL 6/11)

What I really needed was to re-center myself. All of the shifting energies around me were throwing me out of equilibrium. To find my way back to center, I wound up leaving my physical center - my home in SoCal - and traveled back east for a time. In this Grand Adventure that lasted three weeks (though it seemed like it lasted three years, at times!), I found myself again.
I found myself through letting go of some dearly held expectations, which allowed me to open up to what unfolded before me in the Now. I found myself both in the company of cherished friends and also in rich, comfortable solitude. I found myself in the mountains, by the sea, near tiny blips of towns and in the hearts of grand metropoli. I found myself in the loud pounding rhythm of shared drum-beats, in the ubiquitious background whirr of ten thousand pairs of cicada wings, and in complete, deep silence. Most importantly, as a subtle, gently pervasive thread throughout my wanderings, I found myself, again and again, In Nature.
I also found myself in some of the most Divinely Exquisite food I've ever eaten...

...like this Fried Green Tomato Salad. (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

Successive entries will detail this Grand Adventure a bit more in depth. :-)

It's been a week since I returned home to my Casita de California. The luggage is long since unpacked, the laundry done, the treasures admired and squirreled away. I've come to realize that some of the detachment I was feeling prior to my escapade - and am feeling after it - comes from a very radical shift in perspective, thanks to my interactions with members of the Tree Nation. There is a Serenity present within me that comes from those who measure time in centuries, not in seconds...and I'm still assimilating this new sensation, so it feels a bit alien, yet. Another factor is the fact that I've actually been a bit out of my body: part of my Awareness remains within me, but part of my Awareness is elsewhere, out on the Light Grid that is forming around the Earth, as I do my part in the necessary Work of Transition. This agreement I'm rewriting a bit - lovely and necessary as this Work is, I have come here to enjoy my Experiences in a Flesh-Body first and foremost. So I'm sharing the load a bit more, "doing" a bit less by myself so I can be more centered in my body. Once again, it seems I need to learn not to "bring the work home with me" after a long night in my Dreamtime Office! (lol)

I'm back. Anyone miss me? ;-)