three "p-words"

No, these are not going to be words that would get your mouth washed out with soap if your mom or dad heard you say them.
I'll introduce you to two of these three words right now: Procrastination and Perfection.

I have joked off and on about being a "recovering perfectionist," but it appears it's been no joke. These two things have been holding me back - a realization that's come fully into my awareness with this lunation, when I was all ready for Go-Time to help me take off...and I find myself still sputtering along, by and large.

To paraphrase the wise and wonderful SARK, who has such excellent descriptions of these two Shadows: Procrastination says "Not Now" and Perfection says "Not Yet." Procrastination has been following Perfection's lead like a good little Shadow, very eager and supportive.
Perfection has been whispering in my ear, You need to wait until you've left home. You need to wait until this event (or that event) has unfolded. You need to wait until all of your Shadow-stuff has been Resolved. You need to wait until all of your talents have been fully realized.
Darling Shadow, if I keep waiting for the "perfect whatever," I will be perfectly DEAD, and kicking myself in the Afterlife for Not Acting when I had the perfect opportunity - while I still drew breath into my denser flesh-body!

When I brought this up, I was shown their motivation, which is the third "p-word" that is relevant to this moment: Protection. This is something I'm very familiar with, having done some rather interesting things (in various lifetimes besides this one!) out of a heightened need for what could be called "Self-Preservation."
This pair of Shadows simply wants to protect me from all things that might be considered "bad," such as failure, humiliation, lawsuits, and (gods forfend!) assaults upon my person. Um, darlings, I'm not stupid, for one...and I run Dragon energy, for another. I think I know a thing or two about defending myself from various forms of assault!
I do, however, appreciate their concern. This also proves one of Debbie Ford's excellent points: Shadows are often protective mechanisms that have run amok, and need to be revised (at least) or dismantled (at most). I think I'm somewhere in the middle with these two.

They mean well - but at some point, I need to "risk" failure if I'm to gain success. Time for this snake to shed her skin, and release these Shadows... :-)

From the Wetware: Optimizing GO-Time!

Window into the future as it begins to manifest into the present. (Northern CA, 1/09)

Talking with soul-siblings over the past few days, we're all in agreement that something BIG is on the horizon; various articles I've read, along with a few news items that have blipped on my personal radar screen, confirm this feeling.
Guess what?
Go-Time starts TODAY!

From the new moon (9/8) to the full moon (9/23 or so), there is a huge energetic pulse enfolding us. This is what normally happens every year on the way to the Equinox, which in some parts of the world will be occurring on the exact same day as the full moon! Oh yeah...Shift is Happening!
The advice I'm receiving about this fortnight of activity - Be Mindful of what you're asking for, and Be Specific as well!

You've heard the expressions, "Be careful what you wish for, because you're going to get it," and "Energy flows where Attention goes," yes? These are going to be your guideposts. Examine your thoughts, your wishes, your desires with a microscope to make sure you're in total alignment with your Full Authentic Power! This is a time where the gap between Intention and Manifestation is going to be very small, if extant at all! :-o
Now, remember when I said Mercury Retrograde was a good time to revise your Master Plan? This is the time to roll it out. As you do, be specific. Be active. Be current. Be positive. Dream not just big, but uber-gigantic!
If you like to use metaphors: get out your favorite color of balloon tonight. Blow into it a little bit every day for the next two weeks. At the full moon/Equinox, let the balloon go into the Universe, totally confident that your dreams are manifesting even now, as you read this! HUZZAH! :-)

In case you're curious, I'll be fine-tuning my energies during this time, cultivating the lotus of Feminine Energy as she continues to bloom within me and erasing a few remaining vestiges of resistance that I've found within me, still clinging stubbornly like barnacles on a rock within my physical being...
What shall we co-create today, hmmm? :-D

me too...

"Reversing the Tide." (Encinitas, 7/10)
The flower above is a metaphor. Normally, they bloom very black; however, I can "choose" what color the flower within me is going to bloom...

I'm not just dipping my hand into the energetic pools that underpin the Universe and telling y'all how the water tastes. I drink these handfuls and do the Work alongside everyone as well.

This Mercury Retrograde tapped me on the shoulder and brought something to my attention: there has been one Shadow following me around on tiptoe since 2002. I've called it different things over the years...my Kundalini Hunger. Sacred Fire. Receiving Love Generously. Awaiting my Beloved. After all, I was born a Woman, and I have the same dreams and desires (and doubts) that every other woman possesses, whether or not we choose to admit that we're carrying them!
It's not just about entering Right Relationship, though. It's also about recognizing and honoring my softer, more gentle feminine side. More, still - I need to give her the space she's been craving to breathe and move and dance, to express herself openly, boldly, and In Public! :-o
She has come up with every other Shadow I've worked with in my curious, intense, and miraculous process of Spiritual Alchemy, but until this waning moon, I've never fully resolved her.
"We shall lift each other up." (Balboa Park, 7/09)

It's taken finding my home tribe, and allowing myself to be supported by their Unconditional Acceptance. It's taken shifting my shape, dropping a crazy-good amount of weight and letting go of stuff like sugar and gluten and dairy once and for all. It's taken the full real-I-zation of my Authentic Power in the safe space that is co-created through true heart-centered community.

When I went into the Moon Lodge this past week(ish) and began to bleed, I dove in. I dove deep.
In the heart of Darkness, I raised this Shadow into the light of my full Awareness. I saw where I was stuck and I allowed her to Speak True...and there was an adjustment. I felt it in my body, the release of sticking tensions, a realignment and relaxation of lower-chakra energies.
Tossing the labels of "masculine" and "feminine" out the window, I simply asked for Authenticity - and I got it.
I. Got. It.
The gentle lotus of yin has bloomed within me, and the fragrance is exquisitely sweet!
Welcome Home. (Encinitas, 7/10)

The rest, as the moon wanes and renews, is weaving this energy in with all my other threads, and finding a new balance point.
The rest, as Mercury returns to a direct journey through the stars, is to find new ways of expressing this femininity outwardly. Let me see...bright colors slightly outside my usual palette, swirling skirts, and a pink cowgirl hat that "clashes" with everything else I own. These sound like good starting points.
Or maybe I'll pair that brown tank top that frills down at the edges with my new brown leggings and don a pair of pixie-wings... ;-)

From the Wetware: dotting i's and crossing t's

Collage-art I created for "Ganesh, Remover of Obstacles." Circa 2006...?

Hola, faithful readers - time for another channel "from the wetware." (hm, maybe I should make a blog about this, especially if this becomes a regular thing. Sitting with this possibility...)

Are we having fun yet? ;-)
Yes, I'm asking that question with tongue firmly in cheek.
Depending on where you are in your (spiritual) journey, you're feeling stuff moving in, moving out, moving up, moving down, or moving all over the bloody map so much, you have no idea which way is forward!
Well, I can say this for sure: all is unfolding according to the plan you (yes, YOU!) mapped out before incarnating in this place and time you find yourself in. So no worries on that front.

Still not convinced? I don't blame you. There have been times along the way when I've been in prayer and muttered to myself, "You're kidding, Great Mother - right?" Then I've heard Her laugh, which had led me to mutter dark imprecations under my breath...but I digress.

I can, however, reveal this: everything that's moving will probably slow way down, if not stop completely, starting the day after tomorrow, for a few weeks. The reason can be summed up in two words: Mercury Retrograde.
For those totally new to the astrological viewpoint - no, this isn't the 2011 model coming out. (If I remember correctly, the decision has been made to stop making Mercury-brand cars altogether. Oops, digressing again!) What this means...3-4 times every year, the "teeny" planet Mercury (teeny in comparison to the other planets, that is!) looks like it's going backwards in the sky for about three weeks, give or take. Then it begins to move "forward" (aka direct) again.

In metaphysics, this translates into communications tending to go haywire, as Mercury was the Roman God of Messages and Communication. Now, while there has been much hoo-ha (my very scientific term - lol) thrown around about the Mercury Retrograde periods, this is, in truth, a lovely opportunity for a cosmic check-in with/in your*self.
Take a little downtime and take inventory of everything in your life: is everything going smoothly? Is it all a honking big mess? What can be done at this time to set things aright - knowing that implementing any course changes will abide until Mercury is going direct among the stars.

Next: from following other peeps' metaphysical e-letters & postings, I've seen over and over again that the "theme" for this year has been Holding the Vision. This can be a small vision, like purchasing that new car - or it can be a big vision, like Harmonious World Community...or somewhere in between.
The point is, we the Lightworkers especially have been holding the vision for the rise of a new consciousness to blossom in the "dark & remote corners" of the Collective. The time is drawing very near for that Vision to be unleashed upon the world - but not just yet. (insert group groan here) ;-)

This particular Mercury Retrograde episode, we're all being encouraged, Lightworker or not, to get out that Grand Vision we have and go over it One More Time, with a fine-toothed comb. Has every "t" been crossed, every "i" dotted? Do you need to make a re-vision to the Vision? If so, this is time for it.
See, we are nearing the end of the time of "sacrifice," where you've given up what you've been holding onto, and the beginning of the Second/Main Harvest, wherein you reap what you've sown, and receive the Full Bounty of the Mother! :-) And yes, there will be a descent, with a great Planting of the Vision - but first things first.

Make entirely sure and certain that your intentions are clear and concise right now. Mark those places where Ganesh can remove those pesky obstacles for you...because come mid-September, we're moving forward again at Full Throttle!
Are those seat belts securely fastened, pulled tight, and riding low on your hips? (Can you tell I've flown much?) ;-)

Moving into "the Zone"

This pic of me So Totally Rocks! (Mebane, NC 7/10. Photo by DragonHeart, my dragon sister.)

Something I neglected to mention when I was gushing about my latest adventure out to North Carolina...I found myself in what is popularly called "the Zone."
Basically, I was the Priestess. I was the Healer. I was the shamanka walking effortlessly Between the Worlds. For the first time, I realized the full extent of what it means to be standing in my Authentic Power - and let me say, it felt SO damn good! :-D
I felt Light. Open. Expanded and Expansive. Everything flowed effortlessly.
Not all the opportunities I beheld to Work my magick came to pass, but I've bookmarked several possibilities for the next time my home tribe gathers...and that's okay.

As always, the challenge has been taking what arose during the retreat and integrating it into my life As It Is Now. It's been interesting what's come up since.

"Shadows in Bloom." Encinitas, 7/10

If you've been following along, I mentioned last time that we were entering a "sorting phase" in life. I, too, experienced some sorting of my own as the moon disappeared from view.
Just because I've reached a certain point in my spiritual journey doesn't mean I'm done doing the Work. HA! Au contraire - I'm slogging along in the trenches right beside everyone else!
This time around, I came face to face with my "stuck" feelings...not wanting to move forward on my own, instead wanting someone to come help me out. Do the "dirty work" for me so I can fly free and clear, I was asking.
There is, however, only one person who will do my "dirty work." ME.
Interestingly enough, in examining these feelings, I found the root of this "stuck-ness," and did the necessary re-writing of my Story to unstick myself. (A shout out to one of my newest friends, the shining Miss A., for pointing me in the right direction!)

Now, the new moon is upon us, along with another pulse of energy bathing the Earth. (Get used to these pulses; they're going to be coming regularly and awesomely for the near future!) Now I feel myself moving back into "the Zone" where I was in North Carolina...and brand new options are presenting themselves for my purview, one of which may lead to slaying the Debt Monster for good - and giving me what I desire most: free space to (re) invent myself, yet again.

The greater test of faith is unfolding for me in California, as I consider the full extent of what it means to be In Service to Queen Califia...