Breaking the Silence

It's "only" been a month since I last wrote here, but so much has happened!

First, fire paid a visit to the county of San Diego. I walked with my brothers and sisters through the Crucible, and emerged (thankfully) unscathed. Ash & soot settled all around my house, and the evacuation lines were drawn mere blocks away from me, but I was never in any direct danger, Gods Be Praised!
The fires stirred up a lot of stuff that was buried deep, along with burning away many things that were no longer necessary, in many of us. I was blessed to attend a healing ritual mere days after the fires swept through, and were on their way to burning themselves out. Not only did I share my particular gifts with my sisters - not only did we come together to begin the healing process - but I began to see the Next Phase of my journey revealed unto me...

Two weeks after the fires visited, my pelvis locked up. I was introduced to a level of stillness that I had not experienced outside of having a head-cold and/or the flu. I gained a new level of gratitude for simply being able to walk, despite the extreme discomfort. I also gained a new level of gratitude for my chiropractor, who made me right as rain in two sessions (and my masseuse, who helped me release a lot of somatic tension afterward)!
While I was moving in kairos time, the biggest thing that jumped out at me was the energy of the "kept woman," she who surrenders a significant portion of her power/independence in order to get the sacred space she needs to work her magick. In some ways, I am that "kept woman," staying with my mother to give her the help she needs, while I am freed from worrying about paying rent on a house, utilities, etc. A part of me yearned deeply to cut these ties; I found myself asking the question, How badly do you want to be free?

So this past Thursday, I attended a "Life Vision" seminar presented by Michael Beckwith.
Let me just get this out of the way: He is HOT! With Charisma-Plus! Pity he's married! ;-)
Back to the seminar...I saw who I am to become, who I am becoming right now. When I asked what I was going to give up to real*I*ze this vision of my*self, the answer was direct & to the point: Attachment.
My immediate response: Oh shit! (lol)
So maybe I like where I am now, after all...but I have been promised that the rate of change will not be any quicker than I can handle.

So here is where I am:
My muggle job promises to remain interesting. You see, Special-K has hired a new executive gentleman, who we are calling "Oz," (so that will be his cover label here as well) who is straight from the Corporate World. Oz is attempting to introduce Order & Structure into an environment that has been rather, shall we say, "free form" in the past. There has already been resistance to his efforts - to the point of outright rebellion, as certain of his suggestions have been happily ignored by several of my coworkers.
For my part, I will be purchasing a copy of The Four Agreements for his perusal, and eventual implementation, in the hopes that the ideas presented by don Miguel Ruiz can help tame some the drama llamas, which are still running around!
Most of them center around one woman whom everyone else despises, to varying degrees. Notice I didn't include myself in that statement, for I kept my own counsel, and discovered the truth behind the hype. Personally, I think we shall get along infamously... ;-)
Oh yes, I've also begun to take an apache tear (a piece of obsidian) to work. Pity I didn't start doing this sooner! It's making all the difference in the Universe!!

As to the Real Work:
My Voice will be on a CD sooner, rather than later. I'm thinking after the New Year, after the holiday hype has quieted down.
I will be using my Voice as the centerpiece of a different kind of a healing circle, which I am going to activate in February. I will present my*self to the various metaphysical bookstores in the area and see who will host me.
Let Your Voice Lead the Way, I was told early this year. Now I'm finally ready to see where it will lead me...

thinking aloud...

(waving hello to the handful of peeps following my adventures from this viewpoint)

This journey has turned out radically different than how I first envisioned it.
I was going to jump into my shiny new life and blaze a trail to success and abundance on my terms, documenting every move I made in this little niche in cyberspace.

Instead...
I removed myself from everything for a while.
I journeyed outside my comfort zone to the other side of the world, and back again.

I remained still and silent, comparatively speaking, as radical changes were worked within me. Only now am I coming out of this metamorphic state.
Only now am I emerging from the crysalis, wings pumping, moving through the narrow opening set before me.

I thought I was completely done with working in the muggle world; but here I am, still going to a place of work outside of my home, still working shoulder to shoulder with other people, still witnessing drama llamas running amok - chaotically so, at times!
I have been reduced to scratching my head in bemusement...why can't we all just get along?
Then I see the answer: because the Shadows of each person are doing the talking - Shadows that are manipulated by deeply frightened little children within who lost their connection with Divinity, for one reason or another, long ago.

Can I work with these little children, help them find their way home, show them how to remove the Shadows around them so they can see the Light?
That's what I believe I'm being called to do, in various ways. Am I barking up the wrong tree?

And there is this blog itself.
Several times as of late I've sat down here to post about something, and the words do not come.
They do not want to come.
So perhaps I wasn't ready to share, or what was happening wasn't meant to be shared - at least, not here.
So I reconsider what I write here, and what I write there...and allow all of my words to make it out into the world, one way or another, as I release my concerns along the way.

Here, now, though, I believe the transformative phase is finally coming to an end.
Winter beckons me to rest in her embrace, wrapping me up in a nice warm soft blankie.
Perhaps now is the time to rest, allowing the changes that have been wrought within to settle into place.
Let me dream my way into my destiny, choosing a few things to start, or re-start, come the Spring.

I suspect I had to finish the Work within, before I could begin the Work without.
At last, the Work is done...and I am deeply and profoundly grateful for that fact.

Rick Springfield

I went with one of my dearest friends to see him Saturday evening at a local casino.
It's only the second concert I've ever attended. ;-)
He was also performing at the first concert I attended. (It was a great motivation to get a driver's license! lol)

It was his videos that captured my attention, that I went ga-ga over.
"Human Touch" made me sit up and take notice.
"Souls" was rather interesting.
"Love Somebody" & "Don't Walk Away" were nice...but it was "Bop 'Till You Drop" (the heavy duty sci-fi one) that really spoke to me, and came to me at a point in my life when I needed something outside of myself to focus on.
I was in junior high school, aka The Deepest Pit of Hell. Suffice to say, it wasn't pretty.
"BTYD" gave me a safe place to crawl into and explore, to create a story based on what had unfolded in five minutes on MTV. The story that arose from the video was the first one I chose to write down; I'm still working on it. (That may be the topic of another post down the line...)
From that point on, my ears were pricked for New Things About Rick.

Back to yesterday, and the concert.
He came out into the crowd and was less than five feet from where I was standing at one point. I must say, after all this time, he was still looking rather fine! Were it 1984 again, or even 1998, I would have tried very hard to touch him somehow, at least exchange a high-five. But here, in 2007, I was content to watch him pass by...while I wore a grin from ear to ear. :-D

I noticed other women, and even some men, whipped into an ecstatic frenzy as they watched the concert - dancing, singing along, screaming more often than not.
I noticed these feelings were absent in me, where once they would have been present.

It's times like this when I realize just how much I've changed since I've begun this metaphysical/spiritual journey. When a rock star produces a "merely" warm fuzzy feeling within.
Truth be told, I'd gotten more excited after attending a metaphysical lecture by Barbara Hand Clow the night before, because I could see how the future was falling into place, and the ideas, the Information that was coming to me, made me downright giddy, and practically skip into the house!
Okay, I'm threatening to digress wildly again... ;-)

Rick will always have a place in my heart, even if it doesn't beat as rapidly at the sound of his voice as it used to. Rock on, brother.

giving thanks

The fall equinox is the time when many following the Earth traditions have their "thanksgiving."
It is the second - and central - harvest of the season.

(yes, I know, I'm a little late) ;-)

So I thought I'd post a few things that I'm feeling thankful for:

~I am thankful for all the changes this year has brought to me, and is still bringing to me.
Though I will be honest, I will be happy when Winter arrives, for that is the traditional "slowing" down time. I plan to go into the cave with Bear and hang a Do Not Disturb sign on the astral door! (lol)

~I am thankful for my car.
I learned to drive later in life, and received my license at the "ripe old age" of 26. :-p I know what it's like to have to bum rides where you can - and I am elated at the freedom and independence having the license to drive a car gifts me. I make sure I take care of my car so he'll take care of me. ;-)

~I am thankful for my circle of close friends. They give me unconditional love & support...especially when I forget that I'm constantly receiving it from the Universe around me.

{and I may come back to this to post some more later}

sensitivity

Last week, they did a little repainting at the answering service.
I thought I was going to die.
I hadn't had a major reaction to paint before - but that was before I began my spiritual journey.
I drank a lot of water to clear myself out.
I'm back to "normal," now...

I find that "artificial" scents, for the most part, set me off.
For instance - mother loves "Bam," the super cleanser. I can't stand it.
She is courteous enough to wait until I've left, at least, before she uses it.

On the other side of the coin, "natural" smells set her off, where I have a greater tolerance for them.
As an example, she's always bugging me to clean out the litter box.
The metaphysical explanations for these things are food for thought...

And speaking of food:
She eats mostly bread these days.
I don't eat bread anymore. Or pasta. They contain gluten, which I have successfully reduced in my diet. Too much "glue" in gluten kept me bound to "lower" vibrations!
So it's kind of a Jack Sprat thing between us. ;-)

Physical sensitivity isn't the only thing that's been refined...
I mentioned at the outset of this blog, "dead people talk to me."
I sense someone coming by as a "disturbance in the Force." At first, I would feel vertigo within me. As I'm not fond of vertigo, I've asked for a different way for discarnate individuals to announce their presence. That's a work in progress at the moment.

I am beginning to see moments in time where realities split off.
Originally, this was as a result of a "near-miss" in my car. A well-timed step on the gas pedal got me out of what would have been a nasty accident...yet a significant part of my soul experienced that accident, where my car was T-boned. It took me about a day to regather my*self after that incident.
Not too long ago, I witnessed a near miss between two other cars - yet I "saw" the accident that "should have happened" unfold in an alternate reality.
This doesn't really unnerve me, since I am a science-fiction junkie ;-) and am familiar with the concept of alternate realities and "what-if's" that can alter the space-time continuum.
Still, for someone who was a Classically Trained Western Scientist and looked down her nose at the idea of "psychic abilities"...I'm not doing terribly bad, eh?