Friday, June 27, 2014

Navigating my way through the Dim

Pretty things in the Dim. (Del Mar, 7/13)
Let me be entirely frank: This period of time from the Spring Equinox to the Summer Solstice has been a right BITCH! Between Grand Cardinal Crosses, solar flares, and Mercury Retrograde, I have seen the stuck points of my Shadow, indeed - and I'm totally Over It All.

When I last posted in April, I thought I was at the end of the rough patches. Newp...turns out it was just a breather. At work, it would get better, then worse, then better, then worse. Then we had a firebug or two try to set the whole of northern San Diego County on fire, which led to the evacuation of my workplace. I was just about a basket case when I got home that day.  I knew I had to make a Radical Change, and Quickly. So I left the muggle job in May. Okay, maybe NOW I can breathe, I thought...

...until the other shoe dropped when my mother's doctor called a week later, saying her blood tests showed she was on the verge of kidney failure. Suddenly her mortality smacked me hard in the face - and all of my knowledge of reincarnation and life after death could not even begin to comfort the little girl who suddenly realized she would, sooner or later, lose her mommy, just as she had lost her daddy. I had a total meltdown the last weekend of May.

The month of June has been about sorting through all the pieces of my*self and figuring out what will stay, and what will go. Slowly, steadily, I've been pulling myself back together. Slowly, steadily, I have seen the extent of my Stuckness: that part of me that is terrified of growing and succeeding because she knows her identity, her essence, will be destroyed in the process. She. Does. Not. Want. To. Change. Period. Slowly, steadily, the path forward and THROUGH this obstacle has been revealed to me, with a little help from my sister-friends. :-)

In the middle of all this, there have been tiny steps of growth and of change...and they look really promising! I have put down roots at the Philosophical Library as a reader and an energy worker. I have also formulated some specially aligned Juju Bundles for anyone to use and they are now (insert trumpeting) On Sale at the Library! As Mercury goes direct in July, I'll see what I can do to build on this success. Dear Husband has been providing many ideas and "What If..." snippets for me to sit with.

Heeeere's Juju! :-) (Escondido, 6/14)
I'll be all right. My primary Matron, after all, is Bast - the Cat Goddess who always lands on Her feet! ;-)

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