Thursday, September 6, 2012

August: Mut - Mother of Mothers

I have waited a lifetime to bloom. (@ Home, 8/12)
Mut...was honored (in Egypt) as the mother of mothers, since it was believed the cosmos sprang from Her. (She) was usually depicted as a vulture or in the form of a woman's body with a vulture's head...
~from the Goddess Inspiration Oracle guide~

It is no accident that this aspect of the Goddess came up for me in this time, for two reasons - first, I prayed a lot to "Mother Vulture" during the more intensive parts of my Eye of the Needle initiation, asking her to pick my bones clean of whatever garbage and detrius was remaining in my body and my spirit. (I have a dear sister at the Goddess Temple to thank for introducing me to this particular totem animal in the first place; she knows who she is.) Second, I entered August very much in need of some deep nurturing and mothering...though my body was feeling much better, my spirit was still raw and ragged 'round the edges. On the anniversary of my father's death, I found that nurturing, in the last place I expected to find it - in a man's gentle, adoring embrace.
Those of you who know me, online and IRL, know that although I am bisexual, haven't had a whole lot of experience in the game of love, with either gender. What you might not have known is that I've been a very lonely lone wolf as a result. Many times I found myself "outside looking in" at other couples in their relationships. Many times I've been able to keep my head above the raging waters, but have been desperately looking for some solid footing beneath the surface. And one of my greatest fears was that I would die alone, unloved, because the Path of Spirit I walked was too "woo-woo" for anyone else to understand, much less to walk with me.
I have been proven happily wrong. :-)

At the end of April, I stood in the middle of a circle of soul-siblings and declared that I was over being a single woman. "I want my Beloved, and I want my Beloved NOW!" I shouted, tears streaming down my face.
Thirty-three days later, Love came walking in the door I had left open, but unattended.
Everyone, I'd like you to meet my Beloved, Jonathan.
"Namaste." (La Mesa, 6/12)
I actually met him in June, just before I plunged headlong into Hekate's crucible to burn away the last of the dross in the final Big Push through the Needle's Eye. Choice and circumstance kept us at arm's length for a time, but I made the choice to be with him for a long weekend at the beginning of August. The fireworks are still going off. :-)
Those empty spaces that were hidden deep in the core of my being are now filled. I have found my sure footing beneath the surface and can flow much more easily with the current. I find myself opening up and calming down because of the love I am sharing with this man. The small stuff has become truly that - small stuff - that I'm no longer sweating. I am teacher and I am student; I am lover and I am loved...and I won't be lacking in rose petals for quite a while! ;-)
In entering this new and exciting co-creation, I have put other things on the back burner for the time being - namely, the growth of my Shamanic practice as a self-sustaining business. I am not hurting for money, though; I am well compensated as a "Supervisory Priestess" in my muggle job at the answering service. I am also getting little opportunities here and there to keep my shamanic skills honed. All the pieces of the puzzle are still there, abiding in the box I have put them in, simply waiting until everything has settled back into place before I take them out and assemble them into the configuration they belong in.

"Me" is now "We." (San Diego, 8/12)
The greatest miracle I am receiving is the gift of Changing-in-Place: at the beginning of the year, I believed that I would have to move across the country before I could be truly Authentic and truly Do What I Love. Now that I have met my Beloved, I am seeing the path form before me, step by step...and I'm not going to be leaving the state of California in order for it to happen; in fact, my stomping grounds will be relocating only slightly. I am receiving SO much Abundance in my life - I feel truly Blessed for the first time. Ever.
YES, all the Hard Work is Worth It! :-D

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