So, here's where I stand today...

Gettin' by with help from my friends. (Kit Carson Park, 11/11)

 Though the mainstream world turns the page onto a new year come Sunday, I personally started my new year on the Solstice, which fell on the 22nd this year. Regardless, we are in the liminal days between the old and the new, and these last few days have been a time of reflection for me...

I regard 2009 as the year I Recapitulated my entire Spiritual Journey. I regard 2010 as the year I Shifted Realities, having unlocked some very deep, archetypal, and primal feminine energies - and stepped away from the mainstream world to make an effort to bring these energies into alignment within myself. It looks like I will come to regard 2011 as the year I Worked with, and through, my Core Shadows, those issues and challenges that have been hiding deep within, as deep as the aforementioned Wild Woman energies.
As assisted by the significant ebbs and flows of the (super-)natural energies that everyone felt, to greater or lesser extent, this past year, entire mountain ranges of emotion moved about inside of me, though I appeared to be rather motionless outside. Though my life might have appeared calm and peaceful to an outside observer, inside was anything BUT, as I felt tossed upside down, turned inside out, and put through the Cosmic Wringer more often than not!
Several times in 2011, I lost my Vision for my future, and my faith in the Divine was severely tested. Several times, I thought I was broken beyond repair; other times, I thought I would have to take very drastic action to secure my freedom and my very life! As I've noted previously, things most certainly came to a crescendo right after 11/11/11; only after the Solstice has the dust finally settled enough that I can begin to see the path as it stretches out before me once more.

That path has led me back into what many call "gainful employment." Yes, I've secured a muggle job once more...at the very same place I left 21 months ago! Fortunately, both the energies at my former-now-current workplace, along with the energies within ME, have shifted sufficiently that I feel comfortable enough to emerge from my time of sequestration. This renunciate is laying down her dogma and turning her attention to practical issues - namely, replenishing ye olde bank account with some regular infusions of cash monies!
I will say I'm grateful for this employment opportunity for three other reasons, besides the financial one: first, although I didn't wholeheartedly pursue muggle job opportunities during my sequestration, it's nice to finally hear a "yes, you're perfect," after hearing a whole bunch of nothing after interviews, aka, "No, you're not what we're looking for. Have a nice life anyway." Second, working at this job invites me to recreate solid structure in my life, around which I can arrange my ten thousand details to maximize my flow within life's currents. Let me confess: the lack of this structure has not been working to my benefit, as the Procrastination Gremlin has been frolicking around a bit too much in my psyche. Third, and not least, this job gives me a chance to get out of the home and into different energies. I give myself permission to have a spot of Breathing Room - which is gratefully welcomed at this point, let me tell you!

So in the space of these next few weeks, I will be playing with the details of my life. (As someone with a Virgo Moon, the prospect makes me infinitely happy.) I will continue to plot out potential destiny tracks for this year and beyond. I will also continue to be the Shamanic Priestess, no worries...mayhap just a bit harder to get in touch with. ;-) This is one thing I'm NOT compromising on - though I'm (going to be) more active in the muggle world right now, I'm still wielding my magick touch and offering my unique perspectives and gifts to those who are seeking it. I just have to see how my details gel before making major strides; as this is still the season of Repose, though, that's not a problem anyway. :-)

There's the practical stuff. Now the spiritual stuff...
I'm feeling more flexible, more open, more willing to shift my shape to accomodate change. I'm still feeling very empty and waiting to see what will come in to fill me. I'm also feeling uber-protected right now, wrapped in a blanket of Divine warmfuzzylove support.
I have allowed myself to be distracted far too much by the "when" and the "where" of my life, looking too much toward the distant horizon and not enough at the path immediately before my feet. I am shifting my focus to the essential parts that need my attention - to the Who and the What of my life. Here is where I need clarity and definition; as I define myself and my creations, my eventual "when" and "where" will resolve themselves.
There are parts of this journey that I will be sharing openly as I move forward in 2012, for I have found the word that I shall use as a guidepost for the new year: Expansion, in all parts of my life.

Tomorrow I shall walk the labyrinth at Questhaven and enjoy a long candlelight bath. Tomorrow I shall ponder activities that I want to unfold for the New Year. Sunday I shall circle with some of my sisters as we welcome in 2012 together.
May this year be an Awesome one for you and me and all of us!  :-)

Eye of the Needle

The Very End of the Sunset. (Nevada, 11/11)

Well, it seems the timeline accelerated on me the last part of November and into the first part of December.

I started my Virtual Walkabout earlier than I expected. I needed to because of the massive amount of shape-shifting that surged into my awareness as the moon waxed from New to Full, and I desperately needed some Stillness to try to ground into. There were times when it was hard for me to put two sentences together in my head; in one significant sense, it felt like I was dying inside! - and now that I look back upon this process, a part of me was.
One of my shamanic sisters nailed it a few days prior to the full moon: I wasn't standing in the Crucible. This time, I was in the heart of a huge Volcano of Shadow, Negativity, and low-frequency ick. Just before the lunar eclipse, the Volcano erupted. BIG time! I went into my car for some privacy (taking along my hand drum) and let everything erupt. It was messy. It was LOUD. And after it was over, it was extremely cleansing.

I was anticipating further eruptions with the eclipse, but instead, I found myself dropping into a state of Serene Emptiness, for the first time in quite a while! As reality expanded around me again once more, I breathed into it, and receive the message that I had just passed through the Eye of the Needle, an initiatory portal that relieved me of a Ton of Nasty Stuff that I no longer needed to carry with me! Further sitting in stillness revealed to me what that Nasty Stuff entailed. To sum: The "Good Girl" is dead.

This doesn't mean that I'm now Darth Vader's left-hand woman or anything like that. ;-) Promise.

What has died within me is the People-Pleaser who had to be Agreeable with Everyone. If someone disagreed with anything she said or did, she became nervous...Maybe they don't like me anymore! What must I do to get them to like me? (so she could be Validated as a "Good" girl, see?)
What has died within me is the dreaming Perfectionista who had to have Every Last Detail of her dreams come Absolutely True in the World of Form, or it was Wrong. (And of course, she never had a dream that was off-target!) She who clung SO fiercely to Expectations, and Attached Everything to the Outcome - that's one way you define Fundamentalism!

With the waning moon, I'm working with Mother Vulture to clear away any and all remaining ick. So yes, I'm still on my Virtual Walkabout, though I'm leaving this little note to let my posse know that All Is Well. And there are forms emerging from the Emptiness for me to consider, so I'll be having some fun with those as the New Year kicks off. :-)

Walking through the 11/11/11 Portal

So let this be an explanation of what happened around that date, and what has unfolded since, to go with my semi-cryptic status posts on Facebook... ;-)

I had planned out some ceremonial work to do on 11/11/11, to go along with the great gathering of energy. I also had a sense, truth be told, that I wasn't going to be at home when the portal opened. At first, I thought I would be attending a women's conference in Los Angeles; at the last moment, though, I was advised by my guides NOT to participate, so I let the opportunity pass. Not entirely sure what was going on, I waited - and two days later, my ultimate destination became clear. I was needed in Las Vegas. So I packed my duffle, got behind the wheel of White Lightning, and off I went.

That Friday saw me wandering in the desert just outside of Las Vegas. Viz:

During my wanderings, I had an opportunity to commune briefly with one of the stones on the ground. It was a fairly large white stone, with a place for me to rest my hand. I would like to think that I joined energy with that stone right at 11:11 am; without a watch to confirm, I have no idea. ;-)

There were some very interesting cloud formations overhead, especially in the morning. What I didn't take a picture of was the Vegas Strip surrounded by an odd, pea-soup like smog. Was I seeing the effects of a cleansing, or was I seeing into another reality? I'm still debating that one.

I returned home Friday evening. Saturday morning (11/12), I felt a HUGE difference in energy in the house...I was on a completely different level than anyone else residing here! It was very uncomfortable for me, and I found myself stepping into Bear Medicine. Momma Bear growled at anyone if they came too close for comfort!
I found myself shielding very heavily against the very low vibration at home. Relief came when I stepped out into Nature, which I did on Sunday (11/13) to enact the ceremony I had planned to do two days earlier. I felt myself plugging back into the New Reality as I visited the power spots scattered through Kit Carson Park.

So Many Crows! (Kit Carson Park, 11/11)

Honestly, I've never seen so many crows in one place in my life - these and many more followed me through my ceremony. I felt truly protected - and blessed - by their presence.

I'll be honest with y'all - there's a lot shifting within me right at the moment. I'm feeling sea changes coming my way, so significantly that I'm going to unplug from cyberspace and take a Virtual Walkabout during the Second Unfolding, which starts on December 11th. I feel the need to gain some clarity as to what I'm supposed to do next, and when I need to take action. Depending on what other rhythms I tune into, that Virtual Walkabout might also turn into a real one. We shall see.

I feel that significant parts of my life-story are coming to an end, to make way for new beginnings...

Sunset in Nevada. (November, 2011)

Sights of Samhain

I finished off my "Jaguar Days" and welcomed in Winter by getting out into Nature. While others got together to honor the dead and exchange tricks for treats, my ceremonies were personal and private, tuning in to the Web of Life. I did, however, attend a communal ceremony or two... :-)

Mrs. Gilbert's Memorial Bench. (Kit Carson Park, 6/10)

Mrs. Gilbert was my teacher in the fourth grade. She introduced me to hamsters as pets; I took one from several she brought with her on the last day of school. I named him Clarence. He wound up living under our dishwasher for most of his life (by choice) and was buried in the backyard, where an apricot tree would be planted years later. She also knew my mother's family, when everyone was growing up. Small world, eh? ;-)

Shrine for the Departed. (Kit Carson Park, 10/11)

I constructed this shrine under her bench with the materials on hand: sticks, pistachio nut shells, cigarette butts (to represent tobacco), and a crow feather that had seen better days. I pocketed some extra materials to take with me to Questhaven a few days afterwards; more on that in a moment.

Jade-Green Stillness (Kit Carson Park, 10/11)

First, the trick: the pond looks green, but that's actually algae on the surface. The algae will disappear with the first good Winter rains.

"Hidden Glory" (Kit Carson Park, 10/11)

Next, the treat: this is a morning glory bloom I found hiding under the bench one sits upon to meditate by the pond shown above. I took a moment to appreciate fully her breathtaking, and utterly simple beauty. :-)

The other end of my Natural Adventures unfolded at Questhaven...

The labyrinth awaits the walker. (11/11)

Star Altar. (11/11)

Here's where the rest of the pistachio shells came in handy. In the center of the star is my new Stibnite rod, being charged with Solar energy! :-)

The way to the Gnome Castle. (11/11)

The Gnome Castle. (11/11)

 You can see why this formation of rocks is called the "Gnome Castle." It's changed in the year and a half (or so) since I saw it last. There is a LOT of Earth/Fey energy concentrated here!

Charging on the Gnome Castle. (11/11)

Here's the Stibnite again (at the top), receiving some fabulous Fey energy. The small light triangular rock at the bottom was my offering; I left it behind.

Wise Stone Council. (11/11)

 

Further up from the Gnome Castle is this grouping of stones. Similar energy, but feels much older. With permission asked for and granted, I performed a quick ceremony...

Offering #2 (11/11)

...finishing off with this crow feather.
I would have stayed longer with the Wise Ones, but there are a pair of Electric towers at the very top of this particular hill. I don't think I was up there more than ten minutes before I became extremely nauseous - holy sensitivities, Batman!

In between, here's a wee taste of one of the communal ceremonies I partook of...

Lighting up the Night. (Escondido, 10/11)

It's a bit of a challenge to take pics during ceremonial events. You want to capture the beauty and awe, yet honor the privacy and sacredness of the moment, which picture-taking can disrupt. This pic was taken during a lull in the action, and with permission from the spirits overseeing the event. :-)

Now my focus shifts to what lies ahead: the start of the Transition on 11/11/11!

Destination Unknown. (Kit Carson Park, 10/11)

What does the future hold? Looks like we'll all find out together...

taking out MY garbage...

I knew I had some stuff to clear out of me. I didn't realize how stinky and smelly it would turn out to be! :-p

Finding the Sticky Bit in the Flow. (Balboa Park, 7/09)

That which I knew centered around some persnickety Cultural Conditioning that had not gone away and left me alone. I got my first inkling that something was up at the last Big Glow retreat that I attended. I found myself doing a really good imitation of a wailing banshee at one point - rather unexpected but very clearing - and I traced it to the notion that I have to Change Myself in order to be more Pleasing or Satisfactory for another. How interesting! The moment this crystallized into my Awareness, I felt SO unclean I had to shower At Once! Before Breakfast! Then I felt infinitely better. :-)
Once I was home again, I dug deeper. The second thing I found was the notion that There IS Someone for Everyone, but there's ONLY One. I saw that belief as illusory right away. To be frank, I don't see myself becoming a hot swinging Jaguar in my maturity, but I know that there is more than one for me to open myself up to and share my*self with. So I gathered that in and bound it up, but I felt that there was more than that still present.
I was right when I found the third notion, which is the biggie: I need to seek Validation Outside of Myself, for I don't always Trust Myself. Ah - here it is! This was also my gateway into clearings of a Trans-Personal nature, but I'll delve into that in a moment. This root notion spun off a fourth notion shortly thereafter - To be Validated, everyone has to like me. So I have to agree with what everyone says, or they won't like me anymore. Here's another one I saw as illusory right away, even though I had to remind myself of its truth. ;-)

The central Big Nasty Illusion. (Balboa Park, 7/09)

As I bound these together and began creating a Transformation Arrow to release them with, I stepped into Trans-Personal clearing aspects. By virtue of helping out a family friend through her search for a new job and home, I found myself suddenly wading hip-deep in Poverty Consciousness, that pesky illusion that there's Not Enough, there Won't Be Enough, and everyone is suffocating in Lack. It's very prevalent in society these days - and I found myself briefly wrapped up in a pity party when I perceived myself to be thwarted in some pursuits I wanted to engage in. The moment I realized what I was hosting in my Awareness, though, I snapped out of it. :-)
The other bit of Trans-Personal Work I was called to engage in was a bit more challenging to push through, as it had to do with beholding the Cruelty present in the world...man upon his animal siblings, and man upon his fellow man. The former came to me as I watched a video on what happens to animals in factory farms; the latter arrived in the most recent news from Libya. From this witnessing, I fashioned a rite to release the icky energies within my body and transmute the suffering, complete with a Ho'oponopono prayer to restore balance. (Let me know if you're interested in learning about it.)

These, too, have been added to my Transformation Arrow, in a rather satisfactory fashion, if I do say so myself. I shall be adding some black candle wax to the Arrow and burning it very soon.

Vehicle for Transformation. (at home, 10/11)

I took these things with me into the Moon Lodge, and have been staring down the Shadow in my private quiet time. Today is the first day in about a week that I've felt the shift into Something Different. The clouds are breaking apart and the sun is shining once more. Today is the day for lighting the lavender incense and finishing the airing out of the Moon Lodge.

Surfacing, yet again. (Encinitas, 1/11)

I am on the upswing once more, and grateful for it. :-)

On doing a Healingway for 9/11

The original Healingway image. (Naples, FL 6/11)

Ten years ago tomorrow, I was on my way to work. I turned on the classical station I was listening to at the time and was surprised not to hear music. Instead, I heard a news station relating what was unfolding on that day. What is going on? I thought to myself. Is this some kind of joke? Unfortunately, it was not.
There wasn't a whole lot of work done on September 11, 2001. Everyone was glued to the radio. (There might have been a telecast going on, but I don't remember where the TV was, if we had one.) I remember calling my mother to tell her, Something is happening in New York. Turn on the TV. She called me back shortly thereafter; she couldn't watch the news. It was too horrible. The mood at work, on the coast and at home, became very somber as the implications began to sink in for all of us.
I remember sitting outside, considering eating my lunch. I remember pondering the enormity of the events that happened on the East Coast. I remember feeling very sad, anxiety wanting to build within me - until I snapped myself out of it.
"You know what?" I said aloud, to no one in particular, "I Refuse to Be a Victim!"

In that moment, a small white feather floated across my vision, from somewhere above and to the left of me, landing to the right of me. I kid you not.
In that moment, the Power was switched on within me. Yes, I had been initiated as a Wiccan priestess a few months before, but in the moment I chose NOT to become entangled in the negative, a circuit was completed, a seed was planted, and that was the moment I began to take out my psychic gifts and USE them.
I Refuse to Be a Victim.

Fast forward ten years...
I see other people who also had the Power switched on within them, on that day and on all of the days since. Yet I also see many who have become stuck in Victimhood, or Grudge-Holding, or Fear-Mongering.
It occurred to me last year - enough is enough. It's high time this "9/11" energy was channeled in Positive ways, instead of being stuck in a repeating vicious cycle of fear and hatred. Some of us can even feel the buildup of energy leading up to 9/11; even if you can't, think about this - have you noticed, every year around this time, tempers become shorter, manners get tossed out the window more often, and people become downright mean and grouchy? Then we hit 9/13 and POOF! we're back to normal. (Sort of.) ;-)
I'm not asking anyone to forget what happened. There are valuable lessons that we've learned, and are still learning. For many, 9/11 was the day the veil of secrecy began to be pulled away from the Shadow Conspirators, whoever you might think they are. (That's a whole 'nother discussion, which can be saved for another time!)
What I am asking is: Isn't it time to Forgive? Isn't it time to Let Go? Isn't it time to drop the heavy bag of Grudges you've been carrying around? You're only damaging Your*self by holding on to the negativity and staying stuck in place. Releasing that which no longer serves you frees up LOTS of energy that can be used in more positive and abundant ways - and I've been on the Journey long enough to know of what I speak!

So this is why I've created the Great Healingway for tomorrow. I call it Reversing the Tide. I'm going to tap into the energy and inject some much-needed Brightness into the swirling Shadows. In doing so, I'm intending to open up a portal to allow much more Peace, Acceptance, Love, Compassion, Healing, and Support to flow into the Collective Consciousness, which will give a boost to the Ascension process currently in progress, leading up to the Big Stargate of 11/11/11. (There will be lots happening between then and now; I shall be posting updates as I receive them on my Wetware blog.)
I don't ask you, dear reader, to agree with me. I simply ask you to consider what I've said. If you do agree with me, you can join me one of two ways: either Live & In Person at Awakenings Center for Conscious Living, or telepathically from the comfort of your own home. The ceremony will unfold from 2:30pm to 4:30pm, Pacific Time; you can hold space with me for two minutes, two hours, or anything in between.

Together, We Are the Change We Seek. Never forget this! :-)

Change-Up

I must say, the Fifth Night was very interesting to go through.

I experienced my own version of the "Opposite Sketch" that I saw everyone else entering with the major energetic shift...I found that the very thing I've been trying to Fix, Change, and Transmute within me for the past I-don't-know-HOW-long has been the very thing that doesn't need to be Fixed, Changed, or Transmuted! She feels out of sorts because the world is out of sorts. She has felt "out of place" because places that truly honor Pure Innocence are precious few and very far between right now. She feels cranky and upset that things aren't going more "her way" because she's already there, in that shiny new place, and doesn't quite understand what all the fuss is about here, with this whole "in the fullness of time" business.
I can finally see: I, too, have Star Medicine running through my veins.
I can finally see: I, who have been encouraging other "Star Children" to stick around in this reality, because they carry such rare and valuable treasures that are really needed here and now, haven't given that same encouragement to the one who needs it the most: ME.
Finally, I've come to the place where I truly and Unconditionally Love & Accept My*Self - and the Universe shifted with me. Whoa.

Representing the Unconditionally Loving Heart. (Naples, FL 6/11)

With this Universal Shift came a much-needed Wake-Up call for my journey...
After the umpteenth (slightly heated) discussion with my mother about money and financial issues, I sat down, looked at the bank account, looked at the numbers, crunched them for a while, and came to my own version of "An Inconvenient Truth" - in roughly nine months, at the rate we're going now, the money "safety net" is going to disappear. I have that long to Real-Ize my dreams, in one form or another.
Oddly enough, I wasn't frightened by that Moment of Illumination. My first thought: Thank you, Great Mother, for giving me a definitive timeline for me to act. My second thought: Ooh. Nine months. Tres symbolic! :-)
Just as Mercury Retrograde was ending, and the moon turned from waning to waxing, I concentrated my energy and went to Work. My first result: the creation of an "official" Website for myself. Easier - and WAY cheaper - than I was dreading! Huzzah! I am grateful and overwhelmed by the support I've gotten for it thus far.
I am opening myself to explore all options to increase my prosperity, including those in the muggle workforce once more. At this moment, it looks like I'm going to be best served by a mix of mystic and muggle sources of income...at least, while we have this Agreement that we call "the economy" in place. Already, I've gotten nibbles of interest in both of these areas; again, Huzzah!

Feeling, and Seeing, the possibilities Blooming before me! (Naples, FL 6/11)

With definitive action being taken to REAL-ize my dreams, I felt the Veil of Negative Apathy being dashed from my soul. With the (energetic) shift from introversion to extroversion, I am feeling inspired and motivated anew. There are no worries; I will be fully financially supported Well Before the nine months are up! The exciting part is going to be what else I'm going to birth out of this explosion of Creative Force...A-ho! :-)

(Mostly) Enjoying the Ride.

As I've mentioned on my Wetware blog and on Facebook, it's been a "wild ride" for many people this month. I've been on the ride too...and for the most part, I've been enjoying it.

As the energetic party was getting started, I was in the rolling hills of southwestern Pennsylvania, enjoying the company of my Big Glow siblings at a place called Wild Meadows Farm. It's a real farm. With a real Barn.

The Barn. (Pennsylvania, 7/11)

As it was the eve of Lammas, the First Harvest, there was indeed a harvest inside. I think they're onions...

Drying the Harvest. (Pennsylvania, 7/11)

The event took place within reach of a Mixed Energy vortex. This is significant because 1) You interact with the energies in ways that may be the opposite of what you expect, and 2) All of the energies around the property were heightened by the combination of the New (blue) Moon, significant Solar Flares, and the beginning of a major overall power surge. My experience was a good one at the retreat, I can tell y'all that.

The party really kicked into high gear once I returned home. The anniversary of my dad's passing (speaking of energetic vortices) came just after Mercury went Retrograde. I found myself very soft and still - and Very Hungry! I used some Mindful Eating to keep myself under control and in the eye of the proverbial storm. From this center-point, I saw a LOT of people Awakening, many of my friends finding themselves moving up several levels on their journeys in the blink (or two) of an eye! Many of my other friends found themselves in particularly nasty pickles that seemed to arise "out of nowhere." And let's not forget the turbulent times in the States and overseas in England!

We're all in this together, supporting one another. (Naples, FL 6/11)

After a dynamic start, I found myself moving Between the Worlds.What this means for me is sleeping many hours in the evening, and not always waking up completely in the morning. There have been days I've been draggin' along the Whole Damn Day...and a sleepy bear can be a very grumpy bear. I did, however, apologize after the worst of the outbursts. I also took my own advise and hied my hee out into Nature.

How can you feel grumpy HERE? :-) (Questhaven, 8/11)

With the shifting of the overall energies comes a return to a more bright-eyed and bushy-tailed state of existing. Okay, realizing I've been craving more protein in my diet was a factor as well; adding more nuts and beans to my diet is producing noticeable results. I also attempted to add some dairy, but that went over like a fart in church. Looks like I'm ready to wean myself from the cow for good! (no offense to all the cow divinities...)
Now I am finishing moving through the death/birthdates of my grandmother. Now I'm Working on my Third Eye/sixth chakra, clearing out illusory & fear*full Visions. Now I've just sun-brewed some jasmine green tea that tastes delicious! :-q Now I'm ready(ing) myself to ride the next wave...right alongside all y'all.

The sun has begun to rise again... :-) (Naples, FL 6/11)

Prior Steps on the Healingway

Let me back up a little bit in time, for I'm not sure if I would have gone to the first Cuddle Party had I not had a trio of Awesome experiences during my Grand Adventure. (Okay, the whole blessed trip was one big Healingway, BUT these three events stand out in my memory. So there.)

The first moment unfolded in South Carolina, just outside of Charleston. I met Angel Oak...The. Most. Impressive. Tree. EVAH!

Is this not IMPRESSIVE! (South Carolina, 5/11)

She is the oldest tree east of the Rockies; only the Sequoias (I believe) could give her a run for her money. We're talking centuries here, people! Her energy is magnificent...yet that word barely describes it. Introductions made, permission granted, I placed my hands upon her massive trunk and all but burst into tears. (Had it been just the two of us, I would have.) I didn't have to make a single request; she said to me, Give me your grief. Give me your tension...and she TOOK it. (Yea, I had come to her with a turbulent heart, no matter what story I was telling myself.) She drew all of my low frequency vibration into herself and grounded it through her roots, over and over again, until I was empty. I thanked her by reaching into my special pouch and pulling out offerings for her: a rosebud. A piece of bark from my Oak Friend at Questhaven. My Mystery Rock, which had come East with me - and which I knew, somehow, would not return home to California. I laid it at the base of her trunk. I left the circle open in the West - for the circle must remain open, until I return to the East permanently. Which I will.

Then I brought my awareness back into myself and walked around her to the other side, where I was gobsmacked anew...

This is actually one of her BRANCHES! (South Carolina, 5/11)

Have I mentioned that I found her impressive?
I found myself running my hands along one of the lower parts of this branch, again asking permission to touch her. This time, when my hands stilled on her rough bark surface, energy flowed into me - the gentle serene energy very old trees have. She emptied me, and she filled me back up, without me having to request a thing! I'm surprised my friends didn't have to hold my hands on the way back to the car, lest I floated away! (LOL) I hold deep gratitude for her in my heart...and totally recommend a visit with her at least once in your life. Just be aware, her caretakers don't like folks crawling about in or on her branches, because of her advanced age. Honor and respect their wishes, please and thank you. You won't need to do any climbing anyway. :-)

The earth healed me. The water healed me too. While I was at the beach, I ran into the ocean at the end of every day. I cleansed myself and renewed myself in the womb of Grandmother Ocean. Four days, four dips - one Healing.

The gull pretends not to watch. (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

It wasn't just the ocean that spoke to me, it was the myriad of creeks that run beside the roads and past the homes of Gerton, NC. One in particular led me to my final significant moment...

A Connecticut Yankee and two California Ninjas. (Gerton, NC 6/11)

My sister Priestess is seen upon the stone I would sit upon to listen to the creek and feel her energy. I found myself moving into trance, and sinking into the water in a higher dimension. I didn't become the water, I became the rocks in the water. This is what I felt:

The Water of Life moves past me, moves around me, moves within me.

She washes me clean of all that I no longer need, of all I release in sweet surrender.

She brings to me everything I ask for, and more; I can take what suits me and let the rest flow away.

She might dislodge me, but I will move forward in her flow, until I find my new place.

Then I will gently slow and stop, and open myself to feel her flow once more.

Here's the thing: I had a knot of energy in my body, by my left hip. I had been carrying this knot within me for some time, even before my Grand Adventure. As I felt the current of the water flow around and through me, the knot loosened, dissolved, and was washed away. It has not returned. I KNOW, in complete certainty, that I was Healed on that day, in that moment. Again, I am deeply grateful and thankful; I left an offering of my gratitude - sage and tobacco, sprinkled into the river.

One amusing footnote: just before we left, I dipped my cap into the creek to scoop up some of the water and plopped it quickly on my head. A shock of cold water burst upon my head and made its way down my body as I gasped in surprise, "It's Cold! The water is Cold!" 

Yeah, I'm totally a city girl.

For now.

Jaguar Medicine & Trans-Personal Stuff

"The Arawak Indians say that everything has jaguar. Nothing exists without it. It is the tie to all life and all manifestations of life..." (Ted Andrews, Animal Speak)

When I started this blog in 2007, I wanted to speak of the journey of being a Priestess. This includes not just the ordinary things, but the mystical, mysterious things as well. Well, the former is well represented in these posts - through seeing the ordinary in magickal ways - but the latter seems rather under-represented. I want to take the wild expeditions through the land of "woo-woo" and make them accessible, if not entirely understandable. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. Anyhoo, here is my current expedition, documented while in the field, as it were. This isn't a cut-and-dried thing as of this moment...which is altogether a good thing, methinks. :-)

It started with a Cuddle Party - which is basically an uber-gentle introduction into the world of (Western) Tantra. I gathered together with several men and women, received direction as to how the evening would unfold, then began to explore the realm of touch in an intimate, but non-sexual, way. This would seem to be right up my alley; I wouldn't mind more touch in my life, and I would prefer to move slowly, for various personal reasons. I thought all went well that evening...the full impact didn't hit me until later the next day. That would be about the time I found myself curled in a fetal position, mind locked in an anxiety feedback loop, thinking that celibacy would be a very good way to go for the rest of my life, and that everyone - EVERYONE - needed to be kept At Arm's Length, which is the way I used to relate to the world. 

Something was very definitely wrong in the State of Victoria, and I'm not thinking about Australia.

For one, the level of anxiety I was feeling didn't correspond with anything I've experienced in this lifetime. Other lifetimes, that's a different matter - but those sticky points have been brought to the surface and cleared.

For two, this isn't the first time I've dealt with these feelings and very strong emotions. The summer of 2009 was all about Working on my personal stuff in this life, and the summer of 2010 was about Working on the personal stuff carried over from previous lives. 

(For three, the "triggering event" was completely different in this latest summer!)

So with this stuff re-surging within my Awareness as if I was meeting it for the very first time, it hit me: I've moved beyond Working the Personal Stuff. I've graduated to Working on the Trans-Personal Stuff now! (My initial response after this A-HA! moment was a long, exhaled, "Greeeaaat," in the style of "Oh crap, looks like I gotta go back to the mat again! Give me Strength, Great Mother!")

I am calling this TPS the Energy of the Wounded Maiden...partly because it fits in with the time in my life (several lives, actually) when I was triggered, partly because that's the "flavor" of this energy: She who was forced to grow up, and/or was forced into a situation, before She was truly ready for it. 

In Working with this energy, I am finding a lot of it having to do with Identity, personally and collectively, in the whole "I'm not ready to act/perform in this way, or be this person/fill this role that I am expected to be." This is actually the most fascinating part - at least, when I'm not knee-deep in feeling my way through a moment when I've been triggered and I need to claw my way through it! I am beginning to see how the "little-i" within me fights to keep her boundaries in place, and insists on growing "at MY pace, thank you!" I am also beginning to see how this "little-i" is trying way too hard to "grow up" and become the "Big-I," when all she/I/we really need to do is simply Relax and BE. Realignment in process! (LOL)

Clawing my way through an episode is actually a perfect segue to the other part of this equation, which I used to introduce this post. I am co-creating solutions to this challenge that's been set before me; more on that in a little bit. I am also reaching into my Bag O' Tricks to Work on the astral planes to see what solutions I can come up with myself via Visualization, (or as I sometimes call it, "Vision-Questing for Shamans Stuck in the Burbs.") ;-) This last time, I found myself shifting into a Jaguar Woman, facing the demons that came up before me and dispatching them with my claws. Ah - the Jaguar is coming into prominence at this time. Most Excellent!

I see her as a "refinement" of the Primal Feminine energy, not as wild and dangerous as Dragon. More approachable, Jaguar is...but still capable of dismembering you with a single swipe if push comes to shove, so don't push! For the record, Jaguar is described in Animal Speak under the same entry as "Panther." This medicine is about Reclaiming One's True Power, especially in the realm of sexuality! Tres apropos! (And if you want to know more, I invite you to read the entry yourself!)

With the Jaguar Medicine flowing within me, I attended a second Cuddle Party. 

This time, I didn't have to wait until the next day to be impacted by the interactions; I am happy to say I experienced some deep and healing releasing, allowing at least one circuit in my life to be unexpectedly but wonderfully cleared and completed! In the days that followed, instead of wanting to contract and close off from the world, I felt myself opening and expanding to it, albeit gently. I had to rearrange parts of my schedule so that I could have some quality Alone Time, but it felt Right and Lovely. Further, in the synchronous ways of Divine Perfect Timing, I am going to be co-creating some more dynamic transformations with my newest bestie in a one-on-one session that just might shift the Earth on its axis! ;-)

Something very interesting that has occurred to me recently: this part of the Work that I'm doing now...it keeps coming up for another reason, not just so I can clear it on different levels. I'm beginning to entertain the idea that this might be the very Work I'm supposed to share with the world; in other words, what my Calling to be a Priestess is Really All About. I'm still sitting with this, and I'll let y'all know how things develop. :-)

(31 in 31 - #7) BEing with~in Nature...

"Naiad Grove" (Gerton, NC 5/11)

The joy of the wolves, frolicking and howling in the full moon's light ~ is my joy.
The sorrow of the elephants, noting and mourning the passing of one of their own ~ is my sorrow.
The work of the beaver, building and maintaining her dam ~ is my work.
The play of the squirrel, leaping from tree to tree, rolling and tumbling on the ground ~ is my play.
The hunger of the bear, for salmon and berries and honey ~ is my hunger.
The thirst of the hummingbird, to sip the sweet nectar of the flower ~ is my thirst.
The flitting of the butterfly, here and there, in the meadow ~ is my activity.
The napping of the cat, stretched out in a sunny spot on the ground ~ is my rest.


The life-force that runs through the world around me
Also runs through and fills the empty places within me.
Knowing this, how could I not look around
And know that this, too, is me?
How could I behold they who live in Nature
and not know them as All My Relations?

IMPOSSIBLE! :-)

Confirmation - the gift of a Crow Feather. (Gerton, NC 6/11)

Second Maidenhood

Sunrise. (Mebane, NC 5/11)

During my Grand Adventure, I felt more than my "inner biologist" stirring back to life. In finding myself again, I reconnected with the joie de vivre that is present simply by Participating Fully in and with Life. I had not felt so enthusiastic about "Playing the Game" for many years, taking great pleasure and delight in the information brought to me by my five senses. (My first taste of "Mexican Street Corn" alone - AH! Thank You, Great Mother!) I didn't find myself reverting entirely back to the days of childhood, not quite. Instead, I found myself in what I call a Second Maidenhood...my body felt ripe, the world felt fresh, and every experience was a Divine Invitation to come and frolic in the Garden of Earthly Delight! It was an invitation I accepted, again and again. I felt myself opening up anew...

Magnolia Blossom. (Atlanta, GA 6/11)

...and I brought the "Maiden Magick" home with me to California. Shortly after my return, the annual County Fair in Del Mar ran a promotion that allowed people to get in for a mere three dollars. Not only that, it was on a day where you could get "tastings" from the food vendors (aka, Normal Portion Sizes!) for a mere two dollars each! Oh hell yes I went - and on public transportation to boot, so I wouldn't have to stress over parking! :-)

Ground level view of the main drag. (Del Mar, 6/11)

To answer your question - yes, you CAN be mostly vegan and still score YUMMY things! I had a bit of artichoke, a sampling of very fresh potato chips, a falafel ball, one serving of what was called "Aussie Battered Potatoes," and some sweet corn on ze cob, fresh off the barbeque! (the ear had been wrapped in its husk so it wouldn't get crisped.)

Meet some of my new friends. ;-) (Del Mar, 6/11)

They have a Gem and Mineral Show every year. Of Course I stopped in and visited, scoring a few needed stones in the process.

View from the carousel. (Del Mar, 6/11)

Okay, in this instance, I did jump back into my childhood. My inner seven-year-old would not let me pass by the carousel without going 'round one time. I rode side-saddle, since I was wearing a long skirt.

Bird's Eye View. (Del Mar, 6/11)

After the carousel, I took a ride on the Ferris Wheel. The view at the top was spectacular, but you're going to have to take my word on that one - this was the only picture I managed to take before my camera's batteries crapped out on me. :-( However, I did discover that I like to ride the Ferris Wheel. :-)

I continue to feel the renewed joie de vivre, even as the energetic shifts have propelled me in interesting directions...more on that front shortly.

Words & Images from the Grand Adventure

Looking at the mountains from Asheville, NC (5/11)

The entire purpose of this Adventure was to attend yet another gathering of my Home Tribe, also known as the Big Glow community. This time, however, I wanted to give myself some more time on the East Coast, instead of flying out, communing, and flying back home again lickety-split. So I "pencilled in" a drum circle to attend before the retreat, and some time to connect with other friends after the retreat; thus did three days (or so) turn into three weeks. As usual, I declared my intentions, and the Universe responded with a bounty of Experience beyond my humble expectations!

Something interesting and unexpected occurred during this Adventure of mine: I found myself reconnecting with the sensawunda I had as a girl, she who dreamed of solving the Mysteries of Nature when she grew up. As the Earth is my Mother, and my Family of Choice are my Soul Siblings, then I was "reintroduced" to a mess of cousins in the Natural World. (LOL) So let me point out some of the highlights of my Adventure - those moments that made the Little One within squeal in delight...mainly because this West Coast girl was seeing some native East Coast flora & fauna for the very first time with her own eyeballs! :-)

Mr. & Mrs. Goldfinch (Gerton, NC 5/11)

Insert first squeal of delight here, when I saw goldfinches, in their Summer Finery, feeding outside my hostesses' window! It took some stealthy ninja tactics to photograph them, but photograph them I did, with their permission!

Seagull. (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

I am familiar with seagulls, unless they have black heads. Then I stop and ask them if I can take their picture. These gulls fascinated me utterly, since they were a new variant on a familiar theme.

Jellyfish. (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

I must have seen at least a dozen jellyfish during my stay by the sea, washed up upon the shore at various times. Yes, I touched them, on their harmless domes - not on the bottom, where the nasty stinging tentacles are! I was surprised to feel that their domes were hard, almost plastic-feeling, and not anything like gelatinous.

Two wee sea anemones. (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

I love the ocean. As such, I am a bit biased in taking my pictures. ;-)
I loved seeing oysters instead of mussels on the rocks, and the different types of barnacles.

"Collage du Mer" (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

Grandmother Ocean arranged these shells so artfully. I did nothing except take this picture to admire Her creativity. :-)

Petrified Trees. (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

This was part of an entire forest of petrified trees & wood bits on the shoreline. It was a natural cathedral, and I spun up some impromptu ceremony in this sacred space.

The Postmistress. (Folly Beach, SC 5/11)

My sisters and I occasionally departed our beach Base O' Operations to make forays into town, or at least, places of denser population. I found this lovebug on one such excursion. Cat and Crow medicine followed me out to the East Coast; the latter birds wouldn't hold still long enough for me to document their presence! (LOL)

Blessing of the Chickens. (Mebane, NC 5/11)

Okay, I have seen chickens on the West Coast. However, they didn't come out to greet me and bless me with their presence like these did. (They thought I had food, but I didn't. They came to wander around my feet anyway.)

Leaf, with Dew. (Mebane, NC 5/11)

Animals weren't the only things that caught my eye...and Mother Earth is also a Divine Artist.

Cicada. (Mebane, NC 5/11)

Our retreat happened to unfold during the time the cicadas emerged from their long dormancy to mate and lay their eggs before perishing en masse. It was fascinating to hear the sound of their wingbeats fill the air with an almost extraterrestrial noise. It was not as fascinating to experience them as living hair accessories! At least, I wasn't as appreciative of that cicada in that moment... ;-)

Termites! (Gerton, NC 6/11)

Staying with the bug theme a moment longer, I was fascinated by this spontaneous mass migration of termites from a dead tree on the property of my hostess. My first thought when I saw this plethora of tiny wings flitting in the air? "Fairies!" There's an innocent child's remark! :-)

Gray Squirrel. (Gerton, NC 6/11)

Oh yes, the squirrel medicine followed me as well. I was equally amused and amazed by the ease with which they could gallop from branch to branch, tree to tree, earth to sky and back again. :-)

The "Finger Tree." (Atlanta, GA 6/11)

I was awed to see the hand rising up to the sky in this tree, so I received permission to take the picture. Can you see the hand?

Un duck. (Atlanta, GA 6/11)

I see ducks on the West Coast - just see some of my earlier entries - but not with this coloration of plumage.

Settling in for the night. (Atlanta, GA 6/11)

Duck, duck, Goose! Geese I don't see on the West Coast, so I was honored to catch a glimpse of this extended family during my brief stay in Georgia.

Star Flower. (Naples, FL 6/11)

 This flower caught my eye because it was a stand-out, regardless of what coast I'm on. Another Divine Work of Art.

Butterfly Trickster. (Naples, FL 6/11)

...and the Butterfly Medicine was present for me in the East as it is in the West. Their increased presence especially during the second half of my Adventure was a quiet reflection of the shifting that unfolded within me on the trip.

This shifting is still taking place in this moment...