It really wasn't that long ago that I felt like I was floating in the Void before Creation, waiting for something to nudge me in a direction, any direction. Well, now I'm significantly moving! :-D
I know part of the reason I was floating was because I needed to get my blerking sleep cycle straightened out again! Seriously, I went from working evenings to doing graveyard/overnight shifts, then finished my stint by doing BOTH in the same week for a few weeks! Then, after I left the answering service, I had just enough time to gather myself together before flying to the East Coast for a week - hello Time Zone Change! Ye Gods - it's taken me most of the rest of this month to figure out whether I was coming or going!
Memo to Self: I'm NOT 21 anymore and am getting further away by the DAY! (lol)
Another part of the reason has come to light as I've been doing the "Dream Boogie" course. I find that I've become very good at Hiding in Plain Sight. I've been doing a little bit here, a wee smidge there, but I really haven't put any major effort into full-filling this dream of mine, of BEING the Shamanic Priestess who shares her Luminosity with the world. In a sense, I've been fibbing on my Profile...I've heard the Call to DO, but I've been dragging my feet in completely heeding it. I've been too hung up on (gasp!) What Other People, especially those who are related to me by blood, Might Think If They Knew Who I Really Was. In other words, I've been afraid of being Judged, and Rejected. The Shadows that I've been dancing with of late go way back, and they're very familiar to me.
This shape is shifting dramatically.
I'm beginning to take the helm in significant measure.
For several years, even before I was first inspired by the Call to Be the Priestess, I've been toying with the idea of working temporary jobs - jobs that only last a few weeks or months, where I can earn some money, yet space these jobs out in between my "Real" Work. Since I've returned to myself, if you will, I'm taking steps to become a free-agent-for-hire...and this time, I'm vowing to Stay On This Path. If I have learned nothing from my last job, it's that I need the idea of I don't have to do this "forever" in order to stay SANE in the muggle world. ;-)
While I'm running that gameplan, I'm also taking a fresh look at what I've done AS the Priestess, to see if I can shift my approach. Lo, I think I've come up with it! I am refocusing myself, in this moment, to be a Reader (with non-Tarot oracle decks, at the moment). It's something that comes to me very easily, I am charged by it, as opposed to being drained by it, and I have everything I need NOW to get out and strut my stuff!
So I'm plotting and planning. I'm making new connections in new arenas and arranging my presentations. I'm moving again - just in time for Beltaine, the start of Summer, which is this weekend! Needless to say, I am Very Excited, and have every confidence that my dreams will Manifest in ways that completely support and fulfill and astound me! :-D
My time is NOW...and it's about time! (lol)