Tuesday, April 22, 2008

...picking up where i left off...

I usually don't stop mid-flow and jump out,
but yesterday the intent skewed sideways.
I wasn't writing what I wanted to write.

So here's a bit of where I thought I was going to go...
I'm feeling very much outside of time.
Allowing things to come up and be done as they would.
Yet mother is still wanting me to adhere to a schedule and contemplate agendas.
I wonder if my being "unglued"
Is another form of procrastination
I'm using to maintain some sense of "control" over my life?

And speaking of things that make you go hmmm,
Perhaps it was a premonition of the chaos
I was going to experience later at work that day,
so I stopped writing to gather in all of my energies, mais non?

Because work was a bitch and a half, maybe even two bitches!
starting with the onslaught of (sleepwalking) callers
& ending with a screaming hissy match
between my other three co-workers.
UGH! :-(

Just now,
I stopped in on one of my communal boards
Looking to see if there were any nibbles.
I found NONE
& felt disgusted.

Right, it's over! I thought.
I'm not noticed anymore! I'm SO quitting!
Then I did a double-take:
It's not them.
It's me.

I'm totally in the "Land of Overwhelm" right now.
I am this far from Total Spiritual/Emotional Burnout.
Praise the GODS I have this trip to SF coming up next week!
I'm beginning to realize that I really need it!

When I get back,
THEN, I'll see
what my next move is.

Yes. I can deal with that.
Let me just survive the rest of this week...!

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