So - it's been a week since I've returned home.
I made something of an effort to secure work, but it's consisted of registering with one temp agency. That's it.
See, the thing is, I don't want to return to the muggle working world. Really.
So much so, the level of resistance has been a bit surprising. It got my attention.
I sat with the resistance and saw the genteel Shadow. I listened to the resistance, and saw the true nature of my reluctance...
I have self-identified with rational, active, "masculine" energies for so long, feeling something else within me felt alien and (initially) unrecognizable. For the first time, I'm truly in an intuitive, receptive, "feminine" space. Whoa...!
This aspect of me could care less about the world, its activities, and its rules. This aspect of me gives thanks for what I have Right Now, and hears the call to Deepen.
"Settle" just isn't the right word.
This aspect of me wants to look within and bring forth what I see in material form - to Create, in other words.
Well, here is my biological clock going off, just not in the usual way.
I don't want to have babies. I want to write stories and paint pictures and collage and commune with my stone friends, the trees in my complex, the crows and the cats and the koi fish on the coast. I want to sit on the beach, or walk in the woods, and connect on the really deep levels.
(I see this, in a flash of insight, just now: I am preparing for the shamanic work yet to come!)
This impulse becomes Shadow when it interferes with my life, turns my resting time into sticky inertia.
So you don't want to go back to the muggle world, eh? So you just want to Create, eh?
So, let's CREATE!
...which is exactly what I started doing yesterday, continued today, and will likely rejoin tomorrow! HA!!