Sunset at the beach. (Carlsbad, 6/10)
It has been a lunar year, if you count the moons, since I experienced my Soul Retrieval. I thought it would be the end of all of my Work.
I was wrong...yes, a circle came to a conclusion, but another circle began to be drawn once I left Lady M's place and began the drive back home.
In this past year, I have dealt with Shadows that I'd only briefly addressed before - Shadows having to do with shining fully in my Authentic Light, with loving deeply, even with being a woman in this go-around. I have felt my soul contract into a tight shell, only to expand outward again, blooming wider and more brilliantly than the last time.
I have come to understand my "Little Ones" more fully - these feelings that arise when I feel small and scared and separate. More - I have come to the place where I no longer need to "change" or "fix" them; all I need to do is love them. All I need to do is hold them in my arms and whisper to them, It's all going to be okay. Mommy promises.
For when I am feeling contracted, I ask myself how old I am. Usually I find that I'm seven or eight, sometimes a bit older, now and again a bit younger. That's what the ego truly is, you see...a small child who dwells within us, who gets scared and acts out of fear from time to time. What is needed is not to destroy it or bypass it or get rid of it; what is needed is to LOVE it, completely and unconditionally! How brilliant would we be as humans if our egos were unafraid to live and play with one another?
My higher self, my wise woman within - she is "Mommy." Sometimes she needs to be firm; other times, it's just about loving and delighting along with the "Little Ones" at life's miracles. We truly are Divinity Incarnate; the Divine spark within is our Parent. We are the parent and the child in one. Delicious.
Blooming anew, in the New. (Encinitas, 5/10)
And I find myself now living in a vast spacious place, where things can and DO manifest for me instantly. In this place, I can feel so much more than I used to, when science was my "religion" and things like empathy and energy-work and vibrations would have been viewed with much skepticism! ;-)
I abide in a much higher frequency these days...and I can feel when something is a much lower frequency. Certain places, certain situations, I have felt myself recoil and needing to protect myself from the lower, "icky" vibes! Certain foods remind me why I've changed my eating habits so radically when I encounter them again - and confirm for me that they need to stay changed!
I am learning to say "thank you" readily and often. I am learning that I don't always have to be neat and tidy in sharing my journey with the world. I know that I am not the same person who drove south to a sister shamanka's house a year ago...yet I recognize the part deep within me that remains steady and constant, regardless of what happens to my body, my soul, my life.
Speaking of my body, I finally have another number that identifies and confirms this "new" self I'm walking around in: ten. As in size 10 for jeans! Color me gobsmacked and over the moon! :-D