Sunday, October 17, 2010

...going on eleven ;-)

Eleven years ago on this day, I self-dedicated and began to walk the path of Wicca.
I would have done it on my actual birthday, but we were in the midst of trying to sell the house we were living in at the time, and the scheduling didn't work out. So the day after my birthday became my "rebirth-day." Although I wouldn't have said so at the time, now I consider this to be the day I was reborn, the day I stopped merely sampling alternative, non-muggle thinking and chose to embrace "the road less traveled" fully and completely. Shortly after this ceremony - three months, to be exact - my Wiccan mentor would appear in my life and I would be off and running!

I often wonder, had I known beforehand that everything in my life would be turned upside down, vigorously shaken, and run through the spin cycle before I would be set back upon my feet again...would I have made the same choice? I would like to think so, but I'm not entirely sure, truth be told! Do I regret anything about this journey? Absolutely NOT - not even the very intensely uncomfortable and highly charged moments! Am I the same person I was when I started? That one is a bit more challenging to answer...

I have changed in so many ways in the last eleven years. Very little surprises me these days. I am much more accepting of life As It Is, and as it is presented to me. I have looked every Shadow-aspect of myself in the eye; those that did not change their form have been evicted from my being. And the pace of Change has accelerated - just what has shifted in the last year or so alone makes my head spin!
Yet the woman who can watch a hammerhead shark for hours on end is still here. The woman who loves cats above almost all other animals is still here. The woman who enjoys chocolate is still here. The woman who smiles at rainbows, resolves to walk more often by the sea, and gets annoyed with sleepwalking idiots every now and again...she's still here. I am that woman; perhaps I've just gotten rid of everything that I am NOT so that I have more room to hold everything that I AM.
Part of this "ridding" process has been physical. I recently found a working scale and weighed myself; the numbers confirmed the dramatic releasing that my clothes have been showing me all along. In a bit less than two years, I have shed 43 pounds, give or take. I actually cried when I saw the weight I am now at...for I hadn't been in this neighborhood of weight since middle school, when I descended into the Deepest Pit of Hell that can be manifested on this earth. In a sense, the numbers showed me that I had come all the way back from that place - that ALL the suffering before my (initial) Awakening, and ALL of the Work that I'd done after my (initial) Awakening, had been SO worth it. The journey has not been in vain, after all.

Now, on this natal weekend, I find myself walking between the worlds, in a sense. Karen Bishop, and several other folks who are dialed into the various Star-Nations, have advised that there is a "new" reality arising from the "old" reality, and that this "new" reality is very vast and very empty, for it is waiting for others to arrive and for consensual co-creation to begin. They further advise that there is a distinct difference between the two states of existence, and what worked in the "old" reality won't necessarily work in the "new" reality.
As of the Fall Equinox, I have realized that I am inhabiting this "new" reality. I've had a few experiences recently where I've visited the "old" reality, shall we say, and I can feel the difference in my bones! This "new" reality truly does feel vast and relatively empty...and I am looking forward to see what all manifests!
I just have to practice being patient, and perhaps get a wee bit of assistance in finding my ambition, especially as the weather cools in these Pre-Winter weeks. ;-)

No comments:

Post a Comment