Last month, when I was at the Divine Miss V's Blessingway for her new center (info to be shared when it's ready!), I had an interesting experience with the guided meditation for "connecting with your power totem animal" that was presented.
The concept of totem animals is a familiar one for me. One of my lovely shamanic teachers advised me that one can have (up to) 24 totem animals to work with. Yes, I've found all 24 of them! (lol) What she didn't tell me is that they can change within the master framework - one can leave, and another can take its place. This I've found out on my own, and would be a topic unto itself.
Anyhoo...one of my totem animals is the rabbit.
As we began the meditation, I felt my place was to hold space for the other participants while they did their journeys. So I look out beyond the circle - just in time to see a rabbit hop into view! I even followed its meanderings about the land while the facilitator guided everyone else on their journey.
So: the turtle has been with me for a season. Now I am entering the new season, and there is a changing of the guard, if you will. Exit turtle, enter rabbit.
I sat with the rabbit for a time, and looked it up in my copy of Ted Andrews' Animal Speak after I'd returned back home. Two things stood out for me about the rabbit:
~They have connections to the moon. I have been moving more and more within the lunar cycle as of late, counting the months more by the phases of the moon rather than the collective agreement that is the standard calendar.
~They can change directions very quickly. This is coming more into focus this particular cycle, as Mercury gets ready to go direct again. There has been some very rapid movement in my life recently, hinting at deeper and more significant movement just ahead. I am preparing myself to go along with these major shifts...and sitting in gratitude for what is happening within and around me now. I am reminded just how very blessed and loved I am...but, again, that can be saved for another post.
So, faithful readers, there will be one more name change to this blog, right around the Solstice. I promise it will be the last one! But it won't have anything to do with rabbits. ;-)
And if I may make a final gratuitous plug - run, do not walk, to your nearest (metaphysical) bookstore and get yourself a copy of Animal Speak, or order it online! It is chock-full of juicy and deep information about many totem animals; and those that aren't covered in Animal Speak are covered in its companion book, Animal-Wise. These are must-haves for the students and observers of Life!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Political Post: California's Prop 8, plus...
{Disclaimer: now and again I'm going to comment on what's going on in the greater world. This is a "political post" and I'm expressing my opinion. This is my opinion only; agree or not as you choose. Be advised as well that while disagreement is perfectly expected and acceptable, venemous responses will be deleted. Now, onto the post...}
Proposition 8 (defining marriage) was upheld today in California, my home state.
While I disagree with what Prop 8 represents - more on that in a moment - I agree with the court's decision...THE PEOPLE put the issue on our ballot in the first place, so THE PEOPLE need to put it back on the ballot again if they want to change the choice. I also agree with letting the marriages that have taken place so far stand; no one wants to deal with that bureaucratic headache!
Now, as to the impetus behind Prop 8...it's time for a little truth talk about this whole "marriage" thing.
As I see it, it comes down to two things: sex and power; more accurately, power and control over sex.
"Marriage" was originally a political device deliberately designed to deprive women of reproductive freedom and allow men total domination over women. The "traditional" marriage so many are up in arms about? One man exercising absolute control over many women! Look it up if you don't believe me.
Consider also - in many cultures, those who found themselves attracted to the same gender/sex were not shunned; rather, they were considered to have been "chosen by the Divine" to be individuals holding great medicine, and were often trained to be the shamans of the community. Shamans share power...and in so doing, were regarded as "competition" for those who were looking to hold Power-Over as many people as possible.
How do you foil the competition? Slander them. Portray them as evil, unclean, someone you don't want to hang around "if you know what's good for you"...and when necessary, kill a whole bunch of them just to show "who's in charge."
Fortunately, we have left the Inquisition behind us...yet it still resonates deeply in our group awareness.
Fortunately, this idea called "marriage" has evolved...but there is still resistance to letting this evolution complete its course.
This is because those who are exercising Power-Over don't want to give up their power. Really, is that surprising?
So they go after the one place where they still have a semblance of control: sex. They won't come right out and say it, of course - but the sexual act is how we perpetuate our species, and if they can keep the reins on that, they can maintain a measure of control.
It's very fortunate that the sexual act IS the way we perpetuate our species; for those exercising Power-Over would love to get rid of that as well! After all, sex was/is a significant way to share power equally, and experience spiritual ecstasy without needing an "intermediary" to facilitate the experience! (i.e. - someone else who is in control of the process!)
So what is really the issue here?
Allowing "marriage" to complete its evolution from its bloody past and become a gesture of something sacred, which has been degenerated into something very profane.
Wresting power from those who have hoarded it for millennia and allowing everyone to share power, standing together as equals.
Recognizing that we are ALL sacred, and allowing two people to share themselves completely with each other, in Authentic Wholeness.
Indirectly, returning reproductive freedom to women, so that people can choose together when to create a family.
If you've actually read this, I thank you. Hopefully this will give you a little food for thought.
I'm now jumping off my soapbox and returning to my usual mystical methods. ;-)
Proposition 8 (defining marriage) was upheld today in California, my home state.
While I disagree with what Prop 8 represents - more on that in a moment - I agree with the court's decision...THE PEOPLE put the issue on our ballot in the first place, so THE PEOPLE need to put it back on the ballot again if they want to change the choice. I also agree with letting the marriages that have taken place so far stand; no one wants to deal with that bureaucratic headache!
Now, as to the impetus behind Prop 8...it's time for a little truth talk about this whole "marriage" thing.
As I see it, it comes down to two things: sex and power; more accurately, power and control over sex.
"Marriage" was originally a political device deliberately designed to deprive women of reproductive freedom and allow men total domination over women. The "traditional" marriage so many are up in arms about? One man exercising absolute control over many women! Look it up if you don't believe me.
Consider also - in many cultures, those who found themselves attracted to the same gender/sex were not shunned; rather, they were considered to have been "chosen by the Divine" to be individuals holding great medicine, and were often trained to be the shamans of the community. Shamans share power...and in so doing, were regarded as "competition" for those who were looking to hold Power-Over as many people as possible.
How do you foil the competition? Slander them. Portray them as evil, unclean, someone you don't want to hang around "if you know what's good for you"...and when necessary, kill a whole bunch of them just to show "who's in charge."
Fortunately, we have left the Inquisition behind us...yet it still resonates deeply in our group awareness.
Fortunately, this idea called "marriage" has evolved...but there is still resistance to letting this evolution complete its course.
This is because those who are exercising Power-Over don't want to give up their power. Really, is that surprising?
So they go after the one place where they still have a semblance of control: sex. They won't come right out and say it, of course - but the sexual act is how we perpetuate our species, and if they can keep the reins on that, they can maintain a measure of control.
It's very fortunate that the sexual act IS the way we perpetuate our species; for those exercising Power-Over would love to get rid of that as well! After all, sex was/is a significant way to share power equally, and experience spiritual ecstasy without needing an "intermediary" to facilitate the experience! (i.e. - someone else who is in control of the process!)
So what is really the issue here?
Allowing "marriage" to complete its evolution from its bloody past and become a gesture of something sacred, which has been degenerated into something very profane.
Wresting power from those who have hoarded it for millennia and allowing everyone to share power, standing together as equals.
Recognizing that we are ALL sacred, and allowing two people to share themselves completely with each other, in Authentic Wholeness.
Indirectly, returning reproductive freedom to women, so that people can choose together when to create a family.
If you've actually read this, I thank you. Hopefully this will give you a little food for thought.
I'm now jumping off my soapbox and returning to my usual mystical methods. ;-)
Friday, May 22, 2009
Found my marbles... ;-)
Okay, let me back up a space or two:
Back in that gorgeous transformative month called January, I began taking on online course from my friend Miss Leonie. (Her badge is in my "posse" block. Click on it when we're done, but not before! lol) When I was finished, one of my goals was to get all of my art supplies together.
Along the way, one of my real-life friends - surfergirl~N, let's call her - gifted me with a whole bunch of her art supplies. Then yesterday, I finally did the deed...I got my "art tub," a clear storage box I'd filled with arty odds and ends, out of the shed. FINALLY!
(Yes, turtles take a while to get there, but they get there eventually.) ;-)
So now all of my art supplies are in the same room. Wheee!
And now I have a LOT to go through, to see what still writes/works, what needs to be tossed, what to keep and use and play with, and what to pay forward to someone who knows what she's doing! (Like calligraphy. I have a calligraphy set now. I know squat about it, and I don't believe I have either the grace or the patience - mainly the patience! - to give it a go at this moment.)
Yesterday I opened up the art box and began to unpack it. What I came to realize was that I was unpacking memories and miracles as well...miracles as in, Holy crap, most of these markers are still good!...and memories of coloring as a child with smelly magic markers, imbued with odors like grape and cherry and licorice and cinnamon and apple and lemon! (Do you know, the grape and cinnamon pens still smelled good! the lemon, not so much. lol)
And that brings me to the marbles.
I had forgotten that I had salvaged much of my marble collection in our move in 2000 and squirrled it away in the art tub. Unpacking and looking at them brought back many memories.
I also looked at them with new eyes, these little spheres of glass so gaily patterened and etched within...artist's eyes, magick eyes. Hey, some of them could pass for gemstones, and these wee spheres can hold energy right alongside their crystalline cousins.
Then came the lightning stroke of inspiration: I'd been looking for an appropriate medium to do some of my ninja-work with in the near future; why not some of these marbles? HA - genius!
So I pulled some of the marbles aside to come with me on a trip back east that's coming up in the near future. I've got two sets...one for my ninja work; the other for a very special boy I recently met.
I mean, gotta pass some of the traditions along, right?
I'll have to see if I can remember some of the old games. Maybe some of my posse will be able to help me... ;-)
Back in that gorgeous transformative month called January, I began taking on online course from my friend Miss Leonie. (Her badge is in my "posse" block. Click on it when we're done, but not before! lol) When I was finished, one of my goals was to get all of my art supplies together.
Along the way, one of my real-life friends - surfergirl~N, let's call her - gifted me with a whole bunch of her art supplies. Then yesterday, I finally did the deed...I got my "art tub," a clear storage box I'd filled with arty odds and ends, out of the shed. FINALLY!
(Yes, turtles take a while to get there, but they get there eventually.) ;-)
So now all of my art supplies are in the same room. Wheee!
And now I have a LOT to go through, to see what still writes/works, what needs to be tossed, what to keep and use and play with, and what to pay forward to someone who knows what she's doing! (Like calligraphy. I have a calligraphy set now. I know squat about it, and I don't believe I have either the grace or the patience - mainly the patience! - to give it a go at this moment.)
Yesterday I opened up the art box and began to unpack it. What I came to realize was that I was unpacking memories and miracles as well...miracles as in, Holy crap, most of these markers are still good!...and memories of coloring as a child with smelly magic markers, imbued with odors like grape and cherry and licorice and cinnamon and apple and lemon! (Do you know, the grape and cinnamon pens still smelled good! the lemon, not so much. lol)
And that brings me to the marbles.
I had forgotten that I had salvaged much of my marble collection in our move in 2000 and squirrled it away in the art tub. Unpacking and looking at them brought back many memories.
I also looked at them with new eyes, these little spheres of glass so gaily patterened and etched within...artist's eyes, magick eyes. Hey, some of them could pass for gemstones, and these wee spheres can hold energy right alongside their crystalline cousins.
Then came the lightning stroke of inspiration: I'd been looking for an appropriate medium to do some of my ninja-work with in the near future; why not some of these marbles? HA - genius!
So I pulled some of the marbles aside to come with me on a trip back east that's coming up in the near future. I've got two sets...one for my ninja work; the other for a very special boy I recently met.
I mean, gotta pass some of the traditions along, right?
I'll have to see if I can remember some of the old games. Maybe some of my posse will be able to help me... ;-)
Thursday, May 21, 2009
~ f l o a t i n g ~
I reconnected with this sensation last week when I went to the spa at Glen Ivy.
I put my head back so that my ears were submerged, and noises were dulled. The only thing I could hear was my own breathing, or the bubbles emerging from the humming pump, depending on where I was...and I let go, surrendering into the moment.
Floating in water - a most delicious and healing sensation.
To be supported without effort, in a medium that is vital to all life...
I think it speak to our time in the womb, when we were floating in the deep, rich darkness of our mothers, gathering ourselves to emerge into the light, and we knew we were supported and loved. We did not need to hear any words; we just knew.
I floated, in the company of strangers (and one soul-sister), and felt myself totally supported and nurtured, at a time when I desperately needed to feel supported and nurtured.
I floated, and refilled my cup to overflowing, tending to my needs first, so I could then tend to others' needs.
I floated, and returned home to myself, and to the Mother.
Have you found yourself a body of water and floated in it today? :-)
I put my head back so that my ears were submerged, and noises were dulled. The only thing I could hear was my own breathing, or the bubbles emerging from the humming pump, depending on where I was...and I let go, surrendering into the moment.
Floating in water - a most delicious and healing sensation.
To be supported without effort, in a medium that is vital to all life...
I think it speak to our time in the womb, when we were floating in the deep, rich darkness of our mothers, gathering ourselves to emerge into the light, and we knew we were supported and loved. We did not need to hear any words; we just knew.
I floated, in the company of strangers (and one soul-sister), and felt myself totally supported and nurtured, at a time when I desperately needed to feel supported and nurtured.
I floated, and refilled my cup to overflowing, tending to my needs first, so I could then tend to others' needs.
I floated, and returned home to myself, and to the Mother.
Have you found yourself a body of water and floated in it today? :-)
Friday, May 15, 2009
making room...
So, support has been my keyword for much of this lunar cycle, and it looks like it will remain my keyword through (at least) the summer.
The other day, in fact, I dropped in to my lower back, to feel what was there...and it brought me to tears.
Loneliness.
Longing, to be with another - a Beloved.
I cried and felt and honored in the shower, allowing the water to wash away my pain...pain which had been exasperated by my mother, at that point in time...
We had an argument, my mother and I, on Mother's Day, of all days.
It was over something so trivial it was ridiculous, but it showed just how far apart we are on certain ways we view life.
It also showed me conditional love and support: what I could receive had attachments, and caveats, and could be withdrawn entirely on a whim.
And this revelation devastated me, for haven't we been raised that our parents will provide us Unconditional Love and Support, no matter what?
Ha. One more illusion shattered, thank you Coyote!
More and more, I am coming into acceptance, though, for two reasons:
One, I know it's my mother's Shadows talking, placing limits on her love. She herself is very loving, but she can become so deeply entangled in her Shadow-prison that her loving light is eclipsed.
Two, and this is the key point...Not only is she unable to give me the love and support I'm looking for, she's not supposed to be giving me the love and support I'm looking for. Period!
That is the role of the Beloved! (lover, mate, life-partner, what have you.)
The more I sit with this, and look at the situation, the more I see that I have been so entangled with my mother that I've been closed to all other opportunities to grow and express my deepest Authenticity. I've even said at one point: "I can't let anyone else into my life until my mother dies, because she fills that space for me already."
This from a shapeshifter who believes she can share herself completely with more than one partner?!? And then I wonder why all of my friends ask me, "When are you going to leave your mother?"
FFS, I've been a blind fool!
No, scratch that - I wasn't ready, until now.
So I work at disentangling my energies from my mother's energies, detaching myself from her on the emotional/astral levels. I've already detached from the mental level, but I needed to understand in my heart that it was time to let go.
As for the physical moving...not at this moment.
First, I have lots on my plate right now, with a job, bills to help pay, and creations to bring forth - not to mention that my healingway will be most effective with a stable homebase, and without having to worry about re-inventing my safe space.
Second, I freely admit it, the economy is totally made of suck right now, and our personal situation gets a bit sticky now and again. Best to wait till the storm abates and the sky has cleared anew.
Third, another key point, I need someplace to go to before I put in my notice, tie off the loose ends, and leave this part of my life behind. I sent that request out to the Universe.
Now, before you throw up your hands in despair, I'm going to let you in on a little secret:
A destination is in the works of manifestation. Super-secret ninja work, going on right now.
When I get the call that it's okay to transplant, I am going. Fer sure. I have made that promise to the Universe...and to myself.
In the meantime, I need to make room within myself for the Beloved...create the vacuum before I can fill it, yes?
And I have my eye on some candidates for filling that vacuum... ;-)
Yes, I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you. Ninja policies. (lol)
The other day, in fact, I dropped in to my lower back, to feel what was there...and it brought me to tears.
Loneliness.
Longing, to be with another - a Beloved.
I cried and felt and honored in the shower, allowing the water to wash away my pain...pain which had been exasperated by my mother, at that point in time...
We had an argument, my mother and I, on Mother's Day, of all days.
It was over something so trivial it was ridiculous, but it showed just how far apart we are on certain ways we view life.
It also showed me conditional love and support: what I could receive had attachments, and caveats, and could be withdrawn entirely on a whim.
And this revelation devastated me, for haven't we been raised that our parents will provide us Unconditional Love and Support, no matter what?
Ha. One more illusion shattered, thank you Coyote!
More and more, I am coming into acceptance, though, for two reasons:
One, I know it's my mother's Shadows talking, placing limits on her love. She herself is very loving, but she can become so deeply entangled in her Shadow-prison that her loving light is eclipsed.
Two, and this is the key point...Not only is she unable to give me the love and support I'm looking for, she's not supposed to be giving me the love and support I'm looking for. Period!
That is the role of the Beloved! (lover, mate, life-partner, what have you.)
The more I sit with this, and look at the situation, the more I see that I have been so entangled with my mother that I've been closed to all other opportunities to grow and express my deepest Authenticity. I've even said at one point: "I can't let anyone else into my life until my mother dies, because she fills that space for me already."
This from a shapeshifter who believes she can share herself completely with more than one partner?!? And then I wonder why all of my friends ask me, "When are you going to leave your mother?"
FFS, I've been a blind fool!
No, scratch that - I wasn't ready, until now.
So I work at disentangling my energies from my mother's energies, detaching myself from her on the emotional/astral levels. I've already detached from the mental level, but I needed to understand in my heart that it was time to let go.
As for the physical moving...not at this moment.
First, I have lots on my plate right now, with a job, bills to help pay, and creations to bring forth - not to mention that my healingway will be most effective with a stable homebase, and without having to worry about re-inventing my safe space.
Second, I freely admit it, the economy is totally made of suck right now, and our personal situation gets a bit sticky now and again. Best to wait till the storm abates and the sky has cleared anew.
Third, another key point, I need someplace to go to before I put in my notice, tie off the loose ends, and leave this part of my life behind. I sent that request out to the Universe.
Now, before you throw up your hands in despair, I'm going to let you in on a little secret:
A destination is in the works of manifestation. Super-secret ninja work, going on right now.
When I get the call that it's okay to transplant, I am going. Fer sure. I have made that promise to the Universe...and to myself.
In the meantime, I need to make room within myself for the Beloved...create the vacuum before I can fill it, yes?
And I have my eye on some candidates for filling that vacuum... ;-)
Yes, I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you. Ninja policies. (lol)
Friday, May 1, 2009
The next phase of my Healingway Journey
Serendipity introduced me to a new chiropractor in town.
I've checked him out and signed up.
He took some X-rays, and what was found was fascinating, albeit a wee bit unnerving, truth be told...
~a pelvic tilt. When I first went in, my left leg was nearly 2cm shorter than my right leg! :-o
~the very beginnings of osteoarthritis along my spine, especially in my lower back & neck. :-0
~a touch of scoliosis at the top of my spine. :-O
Immediately my mind began to consider the what behind what I was seeing in black & white before my eyes.
My working theories thus far:
~The left side of my body is my yin, feminine side. Perhaps this is my embodiment of the cultural suppression of the feminine.
~I've known my lower back was a "weak" area because of a feeling of lack of support in my life. This confirms that I'm holding Rigid Victimhood in my lower back.
~One of my first clients had scoliosis. Apparently I didn't clear myself properly after I was finished with her. Oopsie. Time for a review of shamanic protocols! ;-)
For the leg situation, I have a heel insert in my left shoe. The moment I stepped into my shoes post-insert, I could feel the balance. Now I don't want to take my shoes off! (lol) I'm also considering foot orthotics in my shoes so I can realign myself kinesthetically.
Yes, this will cost cash money. But I am being billed, in smallish amounts. And my new chiropractor's eyes got Really Wide when I handed him my (metaphysical) business card. We'll see if he's open to doing an exchange... :-)
So for the next six months, this soup has just gotten a bit spicier. It's all good, though. Totally.
Now if I could just convince my mother to stop hyperventilating at the thought of spending "more" money... (insert rolling eyes and laughter here)
I've checked him out and signed up.
He took some X-rays, and what was found was fascinating, albeit a wee bit unnerving, truth be told...
~a pelvic tilt. When I first went in, my left leg was nearly 2cm shorter than my right leg! :-o
~the very beginnings of osteoarthritis along my spine, especially in my lower back & neck. :-0
~a touch of scoliosis at the top of my spine. :-O
Immediately my mind began to consider the what behind what I was seeing in black & white before my eyes.
My working theories thus far:
~The left side of my body is my yin, feminine side. Perhaps this is my embodiment of the cultural suppression of the feminine.
~I've known my lower back was a "weak" area because of a feeling of lack of support in my life. This confirms that I'm holding Rigid Victimhood in my lower back.
~One of my first clients had scoliosis. Apparently I didn't clear myself properly after I was finished with her. Oopsie. Time for a review of shamanic protocols! ;-)
For the leg situation, I have a heel insert in my left shoe. The moment I stepped into my shoes post-insert, I could feel the balance. Now I don't want to take my shoes off! (lol) I'm also considering foot orthotics in my shoes so I can realign myself kinesthetically.
Yes, this will cost cash money. But I am being billed, in smallish amounts. And my new chiropractor's eyes got Really Wide when I handed him my (metaphysical) business card. We'll see if he's open to doing an exchange... :-)
So for the next six months, this soup has just gotten a bit spicier. It's all good, though. Totally.
Now if I could just convince my mother to stop hyperventilating at the thought of spending "more" money... (insert rolling eyes and laughter here)
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