Loose Ends #1

I went back through my entire blog the other day and found a couple of spots where I said, "more on this later," and later hadn't turned into "now" yet...so here's a "now" for one of those loose ends.

Emptying out stuff. Processing Super Highly Intensive Transformations.

The first half of summer has seen me clearing out on the material level, moving into my DNA and finding old scars there - scars that my lineage has been carrying for centuries.
My father's ancestors were deeply affected by the Inquisition. It warped the ways that their descendants related to each other; parents, children, sibling, spouses, were all taught to stuff their true feelings, their true natures, deep within, lest they be found out, Judged, and killed.
There was a lot of their anger that I'd been carrying within me - anger at "the system" that demanded Conform*ation, Or Else.
It fell to me to find the source of this anger, this repression...and use my techniques of Spiritual Alchemy to transform the source, liberate the repressed. The wildest part of the process was removing a long string of stagnant, toxic energy from my third chakra; my scientific mind observed the extracted string and recognized it as a "tapeworm." It has since been destroyed and recycled into Grandmother Earth.

The second half of the summer has been devoted to clearing out on the energetic level, as I have contemplated the block I've had against Receiving Love Generously, and manifesting a partner in this life.
I have found wrapped around this block a significant portion of Mom-Energy. Not terribly surprising since, a) I live with her, and b) she carried me in her womb as I was forming the body I am using in this lifetime.
In acknowledging her energy as separate from my energy, and releasing the bits of energy that have ceased to be of service, I have defined the exact nature of this block - a Defense Mechanism Against Loss.
I have also found the origins of this mechanism in two separate incidents, both related to Loss:
Loss of my sovereignty, when a piece of my soul was torn from me (between lifetimes) in a direct violation of my free will;
Loss of one whom I loved so deeply, I almost did not recover from the passing.
Thusly have I been keeping folks at arm's length, not letting anyone get close.

The material clearing was easier, in a sense, than the astral clearing. I am still in a healing phase with the latter.
I am en*couraging myself to move past the hesitation and open myself unto Receiving.
I am remembering that Divine Love fills me now and always...and is something I can count on, regardless of whatever else is going on in my life.
And in both of these journeys, I am very grateful to have the assistance of a wonder*full, intuitive masseuse, who co-creates Radical Transformation with me, and is happy to do so.
If you come across this in the near future, lovely one, I bow to you and say, Thank You, from the bottom of my heart. :-) <3