...has struck me smack between the eyes. Hard.
I thought the amount of money my mother receives every month would be sufficient enough to support me as I launched my dream spiritual career. There are two problems with that hypothesis:
One, I haven't done a lot of movement on the dream career front. Sure, I have cool new business cards, and some excellent resources at my fingertips, and there has been some actual movement forward in this dream. But it's taking its time coming together - and quite frankly, I haven't put a lot of effort into rapid realization. I've been creating like crazy, yes...but nothing directed out into the world, or concerning my place in it.
Two, and more importantly, I sat down with the numbers recently. I had intended to prove my mother wrong, that we had sufficient funds and nothing to worry about. No matter how much I massaged the numbers, though, I couldn't make my case. She was right - numbers don't lie.
So, as of today, I begin the job hunt. Something nice and part-time, so I can get a little regular income while I put effort into my dream spiritual career, and allow it to grow and bear fruit. In truth, I was expecting a month-old sapling to produce the kind of crop a healthy years-old fruit tree would, Right Now.
The old ego took this realization really hard.
Before, she was convinced that I simply needed to voice my request to the Universe, then sit back and wait. Next morning, voila! Instant shiny happy life! The Universe provides to those who are worthy, right?
After, she was convinced my dreams would never see the light of day. I had lost the battle and would become another hopless drone in the Matrix. Then she went down in flames. Denial is truly de river that flows through Africa. ;-)
Once the sting of the Holy 2x4 had faded, I checked in with myself:
The dreams are just fine, thank you. I simply need to give them some time and room to grow.
And figure out what is still so hesitant to move forward in a spiritual direction...