The further I go into this year, the more meaning the word integration takes on for me.
Entering 2009, I thought I was a well-integrated person. I'd done lots of Work during the previous ten years, a lot of Shadow-assimilation and radical healing. I would've said I was really coming into my own as a Priestess.
I had no blerking idea how true my words were - or what was to begin unfolding for me.
The retreat I went to in January...people, I am not lying when I tell you it was a homecoming. The men & women I met there, and have gotten to know better since, are beautiful souls. Awakened souls, like me, who are wanting to take it to the Next Level, and are Doing Something about it! (I have a portal to my new fave e-place on the right-hand side of my blog; it's the first one listed under "My Posse," since they are a major part of my posse. Scope 'em!)
I am also not lying when I say I've done more Work within myself in these past seven-odd months than I have done in years. It's basically been an ever-unfolding challenge: You think you're ready to do this brilliant blossoming? Well, you really need to resolve some basic business first, m'dear!
Hence, this last month or so...under the tutelage of the Trickster.
I felt the interplay of brightness and Shadow arising into my awareness over the Fourth of July weekend. As the interplay within manifested without, I found a huge stuck place within myself: I had never fully resolved the trauma of junior high school. Acknowledged, yes, Worked on/with, yes - but it still lingered within the still depths of my being. I found myself reacting to circumstances not as a thirtysomething Priestess - but as a thirteen year old girl.
So I found a starting point. What do I need to do to heal this fully?
The vision-quests I had planned on doing turned into sessions of Deep Trance, something I rarely did before.
I sat with the feelings swirling within me and allowed certain themes to emerge.
I got messy, and exploded within myself. I shared the messiness with my new/old friends, something I rarely do until whatever journey I'm on is over, and I can present the nice neat airbrushed version, like I'm doing here. ;-)
I captured the most relevant negative thoughts, and put them on strips of paper. I made a juju bundle with them, to pray over them and transform them. I had interesting experiences with said bundle.
Eventually, the positive thoughts arose to repudiate the negative ones. They are waiting for their own juju bundle, to be made in a few days, with the new moon. As for the negative thoughts, they have been bound onto a Transformation Arrow, to undergo final release in a few days!
The whole process hit its crescendo right around 8/3, with the anniversary of my dad's passing (gee, what a surprise! NOT!) and finished itself around the full moon a few days later. The Arrow has come together over the course of the waning moon.
I am finding myself in a space of stillness, as things realign themselves around me. I acknowledge this Fallow Time in my life, and allow it to unfold as it will.
I am also pleasantly surprised to find my theme for this year's Harvest season: Love. Again, I will allow this to unfold as it will.
I can't think of any "cutesy" way to wrap this up, so I think I will leave it at this...