Okay, I'm at a point where I can lift the veil and break my silence, to an extent...
When I helped G-flirt move to San Francisco at the end of April, I stayed with her for a few days in the downtown. One of the things I noticed, besides the very strong wind there (!) was the significant number of homeless on the streets...and they frightened me on a very deep level.
(Yes, I freely admit I was sheltered growing up, but still - !)
I sensed them at the edges of my attention, almost circling like hungry ghosts, ready to pounce upon me and suck out all of my life force if I allowed them to. I wanted nothing more than to stay with my friend in her room and not venture out alone at all, if I could help it. (She was going through her own adjustment adventures and was not up for a lot of exploring.)
The presence of the homeless, and my reaction to them, shook me to the core. This is, in part, why I walked straight into a cold when I returned home - after not having been sick for several years. I found old fears stirred up - must hide from the predators so they won't find me, must stay small to be safe - stuff that I thought I'd already dealt with.
Superfically, yes...but not to the extent that I needed to.
So, guided by a vision, I began "working" with Kuan Yin, the Great Mother of Compassion, in an intensive. This meant putting all of my plans for expanding my presence in the world on hold, at least for the season. (Fine, I'm not in any particular hurry with this huge chaotic flux swirling about in the world!) Among other things, I found a "not safe" feeling in my individuation center, and an "avoiding loss" desire in my heart center...aka chakras #3 & 4, respectively. I uncovered the Paradox at work within me: As much as I want to be a part of this world, I want to be apart from it as well!
I tackled the "not safe" feeling first. Under Kuan Yin's tutelage, I assembled, consecrated, and charged a juju bundle with Her energy, which I could then use in my inner Work. Success, so far - I am feeling safe again. The "avoiding loss" desire will be more challenging and complex to transmute, but I have all the confidence that it will happen. After all, I've become an expert on Shadow-work, these past ten years, if nothing else! ;-)
So I take a breather between chakras, and move into celebration of the Solstice. It's high time for me to let my inside children out for a little playtime! The deeper work will percolate on the backburner for now, until I move closer to the start of the harvest season.
(Lest you think San Francisco was less than enjoyable - it was not. I'll post about that next time; suffice for now to say, I want to return sooner rather than later!) :-)
